Shippers: "But there was abuse!"
Serena: "Name a relationship on this show that doesn't constitute systematic abuse. This is not what stories are for. We judge stories on their merits, not on whether they match up to some personal checklist we've created. That's so second-wave and gross. You asked for a story, you got a story. This is neither a new nor a particularly complex concept."
Shippers: "You are a collaborator!"
Serena: "So it's just a coincidence that, empirically speaking, every single person screeching about this made-up scandal is a Dair shipper?"
Shipper: "The radical and willful misreading of a text used to be a fun fandom exercise! It has become in 2011 a grim duty! Stop silencing us!"
Serena: "Jesus. Nobody's silencing you. Ignoring you is not the same as silencing you. I just think it's pretty tacky to use something sacrosanct like domestic abuse to justify your weird obsessive feelings about a soap opera. It's a nuclear option that zeroes out any dissent -- c.v. Godwin's Law -- which is obnoxious and stupid itself on the level of simple discourse. But the real problem is it that it trivializes the reality of abusive situations, which makes it pretty obvious how sheltered you actually are, because anybody who has survived something like that would never think to employ it in an argument about made-up love affairs on a ridiculous TV program."
Shipper 3: "I JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS."
Shipper 2: "Recreational outrage is free entertainment!"
Shipper 1: "College is a very exciting time in a young person's life!"
Shipper 4: "Other people's fictional misfortunes give me a personality! Nothing of note has ever actually happened to me!"
Shipper 5: "Man, if I had a boyfriend right now he would be exhausted from me histrionically offloading all this excess emotion onto him out of nowhere. One day I will."
Serena: "Okay, shoo. I'm perfectly happy with my life, but thank you for your concern."
Georgina: "Good to hear. I will try and wreck that mess if I can. Please rescue me from being a Bedford Wife."
Serena: "Nice coinage. GTFO."
Georgina, verbatim, amazingly: "I haven't conspired since I convinced Dan he was Milo's dad. Unless you count speeding up the process at a hospice to get someone's apartment."
Serena: "I'm looking for Cousin Peepers. She's kind of the new you."
Georgina: "I will eat of her flesh. Let's find her!"