Charlie text, to Everybody: "I have lost my marbles! See you in Hell!"
Georgina: "Oh, for fuck's sake. Even Vanessa is in on this plan? And who is Charlie? No, I don't care. Let's do the Badger, the Melon Drop, the Spanish Prisoner!"
Everybody, splitting up to cover every set this TV show ever used: "Even though you always solve our problems, this time you are not invited."
Georgina: "Okay, what should I do?"
Vanessa, sucking on this moment like an organic nursemaid's teat, drinking deep: "You can just go away."
Everybody: "You still aren't part of this show, you know. But way to be sad some more."
Vanessa: "You know, even I could hear how pathetic I was being just now."
Blair: "So like, are you going to torture me or what?"
Russell: "No, I'm going to set us both on fire and blow us up. This is one of those renovated buildings where there's one gas line that fills the whole building with gas when you turn a big wheel. Which I have done."
Blair, verbatim, of course where Chuck can hear her: "I know you think the Basses are evil. Trust me, I get it. I loved Chuck for so long, and... He just punished me for it. He ended up treating me like something he owned, instead of something he earned, and it destroyed me. I thought I'd never get over it. But I finally found a way out of the darkness, and you can, too."
This is how Chuck saves Blair: He walks into the room. Nate and Raina are there also. Blair isn't tied up or anything. Chuck just walks in, with the boringest backup, and it's over. The sound of sirens.
Raina: "I know you didn't mean to hurt my mother. I forgive you. You're going to jail for a very long time, and I won't be coming to visit you. Ever."
SO THAT'S THAT
While Nate and Raina give their statements to the cops, Blair and Chuck talk about how she's feeling kind of wiggly about the whole scenario. The kind of wiggle where you don't want to debut your princely fiancé at your old high school -- the kind of wiggle where you just want to chill out. Get a drink with your abuser. Maybe hit a few Bar Mitzvahs around town.
Blair: "How come when I come running to your rescue, that's a misogynist move on the part of the show because I'm being weak -- but when you come running to my rescue that's also a misogynist move on the part of the show because I'm being weak?"
Chuck: "Because this game is rigged."
Blair: "I wish my opinions or ability to direct my own life or make my own choices were a matter of public record."
Chuck: "Sometimes it's so important to designate a victim that the designated victim's own thoughts or opinions stop mattering. Sometimes saving the world means overruling reality. You have to be ignored and overpowered by group consensus if you're ever going to be empowered."
Blair: "Yes, well, that certainly sounds like feminism."
Chuck: "It isn't, that's what sucks so much."