Blair spends the entire episode chasing a young crazy girl around the UES, after Serena offers her services as babysitter to corner another Yale connection. Young Emma is determined to lose her eponymous virginity (ew) before her friend Muffy (yeah), and it takes the combined forces of an Aaron-distracted Serena and a chivalrous Chuck to keep her in line. Blair is just mostly a huge bitch to Serena the entire time, but of course ends up making nice when Serena's way proves, once again, to be the smart way of doing things. After Blair spots the girl's mum making out with some dude at 1oak, she has the chance to blackmail her, but chooses instead to let it slide with a short parenting lecture. And, for the first time in UES history, gets what she wanted without destroying anybody: the girl praises her to Dean Berube, and her Yaleward future is locked down.
Agnes and Jenny plan a "guerilla fashion show" at a charity ball, which turns out to be honoring Bart and Lily. Jenny is given pause, thanks to Lily being awesome all the time, but eventually goes through with it. A tacky, retarded idea proves in practice to be the best thing that ever happened, as their "inspired" bullshit -- video screen détournement, models kicking over bottles of champagne, riot squad, etc. -- manages to impress everybody at the ball, including Lily herself. Rufus goes completely crazy and tries to have Little J arrested for the stunt, but Lily steps in because it was awesome, and then Rufus cries the tears of a slightly involved, very shitty parent. Jenny runs off through the streets of Brooklyn with only her sewing machine and forty pounds of eyeshadow. Homeless Cinderella Jenny is even cooler than regular Jenny, which is only slightly cooler than the totally awesome, insane Agnes.
Rufus somewhat redeems himself by lecturing Dan about how not everyone is a wunderkind, but Dan is so jealous of the attention Little J's getting that he ends up writing the Charlie Trout story after all, selling his soul and signing one more page of the massive death warrant he keeps begging Chuck to put out on him. Speaking of slightly douchey artists Serena has loved, she spends the entire time obsessing over Aaron, who is a bigger whore than Nate Archibald ever was. Serena, having never worked for anything in her entire life, loves the idea of actually dating somebody with as much Serena power as she herself has, although I believe that much like Chuck, Aaron's grodiness power is contained in his giant stupid scarves.
After spotting Nate and Jenny kissing on Gossip Girl (snapped by 'Lil Serena from the attack of the clones in Central Park), Dan makes it very clear that Nate's history of prostitution is not at all cool, and tosses him out the Humphrey house on his ass. Nice to have D-Bag Dan back after last week, and even nicer to see him slipping down that slippery ethical slope so quickly. Chuck comes running to save Nate, of course, and realizes how out of control things have gotten, but Nate's pride keeps him from giving in to Chuck's tender ministrations and he runs off to the Hamptons to sit out what would seem to be the most OMFG episode of all time next week. Meanwhile, Vanessa flips out from seeing Nate and Jenny kissing IRL, and hopefully jumps off a roof.
Check back on Friday for our full detailed recap. Until then, see if Gossip Girl New York looks at all like real New York.
Horrible prints! Flapping around like the ghosts of samples past! Sewing machine, fast little hobbit fingers! "Spotted at Mood: Jenny Humphrey buying sixteen yards of tulle. But since when does Eleanor Waldorf pay for her purchases with a penny jar? They say a stitch in time saves nine... Will it save Little J?" Agnes is flouncing around with barely controlled excitement, screaming incoherently about how great it's going to be when they do whatever they've planned, and Jenny laughs, because meanwhile she's down to the wire. "At least your brother and the lodger went to go see a movie," Agnes says, because nothing clutters up the ad hoc atelier like Humphreys and their hangers-on, just ask Eleanor, but Jenny sees this as more an opportunity for Nate to continue avoiding her, post-mack session.
"He's still acting like he didn't stick his tongue down your throat?" Jenny admits that yes, although hello to the imagery, and Agnes says that usually, amnesia (or possibly/hopefully "manmnesia," I can't tell) doesn't come until after the sex, so who knows what the problem is. Jenny names all the alternatives besides the obvious: "I don't know, he used to date Vanessa? I'm Dan's little sister? Too young? I wouldn't know. We don't talk." Agnes says after tonight she'll be so famous she'll have ten Nate Archibalds on a string, and Jenny says she just wants the homeless one that lives on the futon, and Agnes tells her to go for it, then finally notices they're running late. "You need to sew way faster, because we are so screwed. Because ready or not, we're putting on a fashion show!" Jenny keeps working, totally focused, because she's still young enough to think that this literally is her last chance in life.
Dan and Nate, on a sweet little date. Dan's worried about Agnes and Jenny's secret stuff, and Nate nervously says he doesn't know anything about it, certainly not about how Jenny quit Eleanor's or how she's planning her big debut, and Dan's like, "How much privacy does she really need to watch Project Runway and eat pizza?" Then he gets a text from that toothy TA at Yale, Jordan "Yes, That Is My Real Name" Steele, whom Nate doesn't remember even though they totally had a threesome with her, and Dan laughs about how stupid Nate is in such a condescending way that Nate actually notices, and then reads him the text, which is that she gave his stupid stories to three different professors, and they need to talk. Nate tries to put a nice shine on it, but Dan knows that she means she's run out of professors to give him a recommendation, and needs to tell him so. Nate stubbornly tries to believe in magic, and Dan calls him retarded for the third time in this conversation, then abruptly ditches their date and runs off to quote "go home and stare at my phone." And since he was payrolling the date, that means Nate in his adorable cardigan will no longer be seeing a movie. Dan suggests that he corner Jenny about what she's up to, and Nate's like, "Um, right."