Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Kenley Ruins Everything

He escorts the shivering Jenny away, and she's like, "Nate, I think I might be an asshole. I didn't get that this was Lily and Bart's thing I'm guerilla-ing all over, and that sucks, because they're awesome and they've always been really nice to me." Nate tells her to just forget it, then, but of course THIS IS THE ONLY NIGHT IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE LIKE I KEEP SAYING YOU MORON so what's she supposed to do? He kisses her to shut her the fuck up, and that little mini-Serena from Central Park takes a picture of it. The hardest thing to explain about this show is why people are constantly taking random secret pictures of the people, like, it seems pretty straightforward until you actually have to explain how the show works, and then the entire Gossip Girl conceit just ends up sounding like something really fucked up that you invented to make the show seem more interesting. Jenny's like, "Are you my boyfriend now?" And Nate's like, "Let's just get through tonight." She laughs and runs off again. So is that Nate's kiss is so magical that it makes you stupid? Because I can believe that, and I love Nate more than enough to prefer it over the other option, which is that his stupidity is communicable.

Blair runs up complaining that everybody at 1oak is gross old guys fucking young girls, so she couldn't find Emma, and freaks out on S about how their cab is halfway to Serge's no-doubt classy living space as they speak, and this is just more proof that Serena is a bitch who ruins lives. Serena finally gets a little pissy, reminding her that she got B her second in with Berube, and B -- this is the part I really can't buy -- fully goes, "Oh right, you're such a celebrity. "Mmmmiss van der Woodsen, your pillows are being fluffed in the VIP section..." Serena can't even remind her that we already did this shit before Chuck comes up and pries them apart: "Kittens, please. I found her table." B knows that Emma's already gone, but Chuck points at the table: it's Liz, her mom. E for Elizabeth. "... And that's not her father," Serena breathes. "Oh my God." Gossip Girl grins to herself as Blair takes a picture of Liz's cannoodlings with a look on her face like First Communion: "Seems the saying's true: Like mother, like daughter. Or is it the other way around?"

Jenny wanders backstage with a huge flash drive, and runs into Agnes who's standing with a cute little dork named Stuart at the controls: "This is Stuart. He's in love with me." He takes off his ear cans and smiles, and Jenny's like, "Stuart? You're about to be fired?" Agnes says not to let the looks fool you, because he's also in the Teen Revolution: "Yeah, well, he was gonna quit anyway to be a professional gamer." She really is like the teenage anti-fairy godmother, isn't she? Or like this evil Oprah who just goes around saying, "It's entirely possible that you're a prodigy! Check under your chair and see what pipe dream you have won!" She runs off to check on the models -- "Stuart, take this. Do not do anything gross to my friend" -- and he grins. She gives him this look like, "Um, okay," even though if she were in the real world and not Agnes's weird Penny Lane world where nothing has consequences, she would be alllll over it.

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Gossip Girl




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