Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Kenley Ruins Everything

Elizabeth jumps up and starts yelling at them immediately when Blair brings Emma home, totally yelling about the gorgeous Serena dress and whatever, and Emma tells her mom not to yell at Blair. "Bed now. Bed!" Damn, Liz. Blair tells her to calm down before she says anything she'll regret, but Lizzie's not having it. "What was your plan, take my daughter clubbing and hope she'd plead your case to the Dean? I have some bad news for you, Miss Waldorf. From what I've seen, you're not Yale material." Blair tries again to warn her: "Oh, you haven't seen anything yet. Tell me, did you have a nice time with your Bryn Mawr friends?" She leans forward to show her the pictures -- "Let me lend you my phone. You'll be needing it to make a call to New Haven..." -- but Emma comes back in to try and calm her mom down again. "You're lecturing me? No wonder I don't want to spend time with you. Bed! Right now! You were saying?" Blair realizes that there is no saving Liz from herself, or the Boardmans from Liz, and she's just like, "Your daughter's a great girl. You should pay more attention to her. Soon it'll be too late."

Rufus intercepts Jenny in the Palace courtyard looking for Vanessa, and he's all "I hope you're proud!" and she's like, "Um, yes? That rocked?" Rufus starts yelling that old Dan tune about how you can't go through life not caring about who you hurt, which is not what happened at all, and she's like, "Thirty-two calls, on my phone, from buyers. Not calling to bitch about how I ruined their shitty party, calling to offer me money for my designs." Rufus, cornered, totally goes, "Well, those people are not your father, and speaking for him, I have never been more disappointed!" Yeah, I could tell that those people weren't my father, because they weren't acting like cocksuckers to prove their parenting skills. Lily comes over to calm him down, and he tells Jenny to apologize, which she of course does, and Lily's like, "What? That was awesome!" Rufus glares at her and she takes three giant steps back so he can continue doing his impression of parenting.

"If you think you're getting away with this tonight, you are dead wrong!" Jenny points out that she already did, and then Rufus fucking calls a cop over and tries to get her arrested. It's ridiculous. Lily is like, For real? The cop says he has to take her downtown and call her parents, which is the most absurd part, and she totally yells, "He is my parent! The one getting me arrested!" Having had enough of this nonsense, Lily tells the cop that she was the person being honored at the "ruined" party, and that she owns the hotel, so there's nobody left to press charges, and the cop shrugs and leaves. Rufus yells at Lily that it's none of her business, and Lily responds that what he was doing was deeply retarded behavior that, in her experience, causes your child to make sex tapes and kill dudes, but before Rufus can point out what a good job he's done with Dan, Jenny tells them to argue it out without her, because it's dumb. She leaves and GG's all, "All that glamour almost led to the slammer! But what will the morning bring?"

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Gossip Girl

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