Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Kenley Ruins Everything

She says it's both gaywad and romantic to blame fate for this, because it's not like the UES is a claustrophobically small world micro-monitored entirely by tween girls with camera phones or anything, so obviously it's fate that brought them to the same forty square blocks, and he asks if she ate her ring yet, because they should have dinner. "Not yet," she giggles, and Cecil totally goes, "Good. It's nine years old." Aww! He takes off and Blair comes running up, saying that she was Emma's answer to the Dean's Question, and he says Yale can use a girl like her, and Serena is ecstatic. Sometimes being happy for other people's success is its own reward.

And other times you sit in your own failure so desperate to ruin your children's chances at happiness that you drive them away completely. Dan, having noticed that Jenny has run away from home hauling her sewing machine and a kitbag full of gumption, decides to sit on this information throughout an entire scene wherein he informs Rufus that the one thing he said he wouldn't do -- exploit Chuck's terribly sad childhood for his own completely uncreative gain -- is now what he has to do. That's the takeaway. That's what we've learned from Jenny this week. Rufus says that just because Jenny did something iffy doesn't mean Dan should, and Dan gets pissy as hell: "Dad, look. The morning after my little sister staged a fashion show that all of New York City will be talking about is not the time for the 'slow and steady' speech." Instead of slapping his little mouth, Rufus apologizes for suggesting that success is something people work for and earn, and Dan's like, "Tried it. Now I'm ready to whore." Rufus explains that he was the victim of unearned success as a child himself, and that it made him a worthless person, and Dan's like, "Yes, but." Then Dan randomly remembers that Jenny ran away from home, suddenly, and Rufus goes to her room and sees she's gone and cries these big, fat, hot tears that made me very sad.

"S and B are headed for Yale, Nate's headed out of town, and Dan's headed for trouble. As for little sister Jenny? She's nowhere to be seen..." Gossip Girl says, over shots of Little J hustling her worldly possessions down some dusty Brooklyn traintracks or something. If only she had young stupid friends with more money than they could ever spend and no sense of cause and effect, she could land on her feet!

And actually, next week there's a whole scene in an alley with Agnes and shit on fire, so maybe ... I don't want to get our hopes up, but it's entirely possible that Jenny has become a hobo. Like a ridin' the rails, eatin' hotdogs, smokin' cigars, rollin' chickens in mud, cookin' in a soupcan tramperoonie. A real live Railway Rona! A Boxcar Bessie! An Atchison Topeka & Santa Fe Sally! And here I was thinking that would take all Sweeps. XOXO.

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Gossip Girl

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