Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Kenley Ruins Everything

Immediately outside the Palace, Aaron lurks. "Hello!" he says, and Serena's like, "What is it that you are doing here?" He explains that he was meeting with a collector, but I don't trust him. She admits that she quickly solved the Cecil the Caterpillar riddle from last week, and grins all sparkly. "Camp Suisse. We got married and exchanged licorice rings." He remembers how she ate hers five minutes after the ceremony, gearing up for a lifetime of addiction, and he's like, "When did you remember?" About the time he was whoring it up on his motorcycle with some girl, and he's like, "Audra. Yeah, she's just a friend."

Aaron Rose! Is a less hot Justin Bobby! The evidence is unmistakable! You might not think it, but I feel this total warmth for Justin Bobby. No, that's underselling it. I love everything about Justin Bobby, and have done for like four years at this point. I honestly believe that Justin Bobby is the future human that we're all trying to evolve into. I want to be Lauren Conrad when I grow up, but I don't want to hang out with her; I would never date Justin Bobby but I kind of want to tote him around all day, in like a rickshaw. He swears he recognized her the second she walked in, and Serena says sweetly, "No, you didn't, but it's okay." Nice. He says you could never forget a face like that, and she's like, valid. "You know, I have this charity gala. It's actually here, and I wouldn't normally go, but my mom's being honored and my brother's out of town, and I'm rambling, but I was wondering..." Some new random girl runs up and kisses all over his face, and Serena's like, "We will finish this conversation in nine years I guess, because you just keep pretending you know I'm Serena van der Woodsen and what that means, and then you fool me again!" She stalks off and his hands are full, but methinks this isn't the last of Aaron-Bobby that we'll be seeing. Especially given that he represents the endpoint of thousands of years of human evolution.

Dan and Nate come home from their non-date, even though by the other scenes it's been several hours, just as Agnes is wheeling out a big clothes rack and yelling about how Eleanor's going to kill herself after tonight, but her face falls when she sees Dan at the door, because it's Dan and she knows what that means. The scariest thing about Dan is that not even Dan knows yet how he's going to fuck everything up for everybody, but at this point he must be just as confident about it as we are. "I spy, with my little lie... Someone getting busted!" Gossip Girl, I spy in my little eye a twinkle, and it's for you.

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Gossip Girl

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