Emma comes out dressed like a hooch; Blair is boredly reading In Style so she doesn't notice right away: "So what kind of movies do you like? Something where the animals sing or... Oh, sweet heaven," she says, jumping to her feet when she sees her. Awesome. "So Muffy McDonough's been bragging about how she's gonna lose her virginity because she finally landed a date with the lacrosse captain, they call him the Devirginator.." Blair goes, "Oh my God. Stop your mouth from moving." But there is no stopping Emma Boardman. Not tonight. "...But now that I finally have the night away from Mom and Dad, we'll see who's first. I'm saying TTFN to my you know what!" I love how she even talks like GG, that's so fucking clever. Of course she does, it's the same thing as how I keep trying to make out with giant butch lesbians because I think they're Rachel Maddow.
"Or maybe we'll see how your mom feels about your little clearance sale, Lohan." Emma shoves her hand off her shoulder and replaces it with a chip: "Please. I heard you talking about getting into Yale. Well, Dean Berube is like my uncle, so help me or I tell him how you took me to a club and got me wasted." B goes oh fuck because what do you do when Blair gets Blaired? Even GG is like, "Lady B's been outfoxed by a young fox!" Emma strides to the door and gives a Blairworthy speech: "Got a credit card, fake ID, and I want Bacardi and a boy. This body's open for business." B follows her out the door in her Wet Seal-inspired kinderwhore look, and GG goes highbrow: "It seems only one ivory tower has been stormed tonight." Don't count Waldorf out yet, lady. It's early.
DUMBO, where the ensuckening has begun. In the time it took Blair's jaw to hit the floor, Jenny has explained her current life plan in the most ineloquent way possible, instead of presenting things in a way that would imply she has thought about it at all, when the fact is that Jenny Humphrey thinks harder about the total chaos she brings than anybody besides Blair. "I had to quit Eleanor's! She was using me! Just like I told her she could! And then she did!" Dan's like, "Obviously Dad doesn't know about this, or he would already be on the phone to his booking agent and trying to learn the chords to 'Standing Outside A Broken Phone Booth With Money In My Hand' like he does every time his children do something abominable." Nate tells him to stop screaming and Dan's like, "Not now, darling, I am handling it" and Nate is all lovers-spatty-frowny-facey for a second because what, he left Chuck for this? Really, Brooklyn?