Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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We Are Curious

Nate enters Cotillion to a total glamour song and camera work like it's a jewel heist, and all the girls are whispering and excited and he looks totally swank and hot in his tux, and you could almost believe that he was once the UES It Boy. Or at least why he's such a successful hustler. He smiles at them, and then all the little children drink champagne. Elsewhere, Jenny's wearing a pretty great dress and some breasts she must have borrowed from her literary counterpart, and Rufus is telling her she doesn't have to do this if she doesn't want to, and Lily points out that it is a bit late for that, which Rufus knows because really that whole statement was about holding onto like one shred of his vanishing dignity and had nothing to do with Jenny at all. Jenny, meanwhile, is having the time of her life and is very indulgent with her father, and then catwalks away looking for her escort.

Nate stops Jenny, looking for Blair, and Jenny spits how thank God she hasn't seen her, explaining that Graham Collins is This Year's Nate. Nate takes it as a compliment and then goes off to find Blair, who is mentoring Kira backstage -- "Always lead with the right. And no claw hands, relaxed fingers" -- and smiles at his arrival. "Oh, look! A Lost Boy, from Lost Weekend!" Nate smiles and gives her a note from Chuck -- "I'm sick of being lost, come find me" -- and mentions that Chuck said "Please." Eric arrives just in time for Blair to give him a fairly honest, friendly co-conspirator look, and he tells her he can handle the rest of it. She's really happy to count on him, and actually goes peaceful for a moment before asking him offhand how he got Graham to show.

"I told Graham that what happens at Camp Suisse doesn't stay at Camp Suisse," he says, with none of the pride you should feel in having tagged that, because he's still young enough to think that gay and straight are these strictly separate things that only the wonderful land called summer camp transcends, because straight guys don't ever fool around with other guys and if they do they're gay, which is just a lie created by the boy media to keep people thinking gay is a ramp you slide down into dirtiness and can't ever clean off. "Little van der Woodsen! I'm impressed with your natural talents!" Blair runs off and Eric feels, of course, totally evil and weirded out.

Olivia, still at the awful college party, is giving Dan one hundred vapid reasons their love can survive EKIV and whatever, and how great he is at sushi-related puns on the computer chatting machine, and those crewmen are like her family and she grew up there and blah-blah, and Vanessa is plastered by this point, and feeling weird about her conflicting feelings regarding EKIV, and finally Olivia goes, "I have had the ultimate experience. With you guys! They say that the friends you meet here last a lifetime. Do you guys want to get out of here?" Do they ever.

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Gossip Girl

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