Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
We Are Curious

Eric's eyes start to glow with evil and he and Blair lock hands like the Wonder Twins and start communicating psychically about how they are going to kill Jenny's ass and it's just like The Craft and Kira's hair stands on end and Blair is some amount of hurt and some amount of appalled and then only the rage and then the three of them are just a storm of hatred and destruction aimed right at Jenny's stupid ass.

How crazy is Blair right now? Crazy enough that when she shows up at the Empire the next morning, she is in the full -- and I mean full, down to the plaited side-queue -- Holly Golightly. It's maybe the scariest thing -- camel trench, casual pony -- because not only is it pitch-perfect, but it's also from the end of the movie, when she's running through the rain. Last time Blair dreamt that scene it was because society was being yanked out of her hands at gunpoint. So my question to you is: As wonderful as being Empress is, it's not just Constance she's giving up, is it?

Jenny replacing Blair at Cotillion isn't about being Queen, it's about every single time Blair's tried and failed to be that girl. Eleanor has set the bar so impossibly and confusingly high -- marry well but not for money, be a deb but not a socialite -- that any social failure is more than failure. Jenny deliberately and publicly severing the lineage last night means she has no in for the next generation of royalty. Ultimately Blair's entire Mean Girl life has been about playing that doyenne role, being the most mature and the most sophisticated, being in Grownup Club just enough to hold it over everybody else's head. But getting stranded in the real world? How long you think the Empire's going to compensate for that?

And the suite too is a disaster, panties and naked sleeping girls, and Chuck sitting in the middle of it, looking pristine in his pajamas and robe, drinking his coffee. Nate's basically fully dressed, too, pouring himself a coffee as a stripper retrieves her pants from near the window. Blair telegraphs Chuck the particulars of last night's unsuccessful encounter with Serena before asking brightly, "Is that pole artist wearing my Agent Provocateur corset?" Chuck slowly opens his mouth to answer, but she cuts him off: "Just make sure she's careful undoing the eyehooks. They pinch!" She heads off in her Total Audrey, and Chuck shivers from way down in there.

"The last time I saw Blair that freakishly calm..." he says, and Nate finishes his sentence (he loves it when they finish each other's sentences): "Was when Serena left for boarding school." And it won't last. "And when it breaks," Chuck says, standing, "There are going to be pieces of Blair all over the wall. And I really don't want to clean up that mess." As he retrieves Blair's phone from her purse and slips it into his robe, Nate shakes his head muzzily. "What are she and Serena fighting about this time?" Basically, Chuck explains, How each one loves the other more than the other loves her. "Can you even fight about that?"

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Gossip Girl




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