Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Gravity Always Wins

Lily, just crunk ass at this point in night, shimmies over to Chuck in the location he's chosen, just the right amount of gloomy, and randomly exposits once again about the baggie of things from his murder. Chuck realizes that Blair has pulled the ultimate Hudson Hero by actually tossing the guy in the river and then saving him, and bolts upstairs. It's sad and scary and of course Eva is having none of it. She thanks him for admitting that he totally dissed her, but continues to pack her stuff to leave, and says the awesomest thing: "Of course Blair lied to you. She's a liar." But also they're still in love or something, so fuck it. Gravity.

Chuck's all about running away together once again, and she's like, "New York will always be the fifth bitch at your table, and I'm not going anywhere with you anyway." She kisses him goodbye, reminds him that Chuck Bass is a term of infinite connotations, and hopes aloud that he'll remember the Henry Prince flavor of Chuck Bass and stay awesome. It's a pretty great exit, all told. Matched only by the plaintive and touching "Everybody leaves" that he throws out at the end. Everybody leaves, he thinks, and there's not a single flavor of Chuck Bass that doesn't deserve exactly that.

Juliet admits that she's been lying, but only because her brother, Ben, is "troubled." "He takes a lot of time, and energy, and has caused a lot of problems in every relationship that I've ever had. Look, I want to tell you everything. I'm just not ready yet. But I promise you, I won't let him come between us again." Nate notes that, as horrific families go, the Archibalds still come out on top, so it would be unfair to judge her just for this one huge pack of lies. She offers to finally show him her apartment, and he gratefully accepts, because that means doing it.

Vanessa, sad-sackin' it as usual, got as far as packing up all her stuff before realizing that she totally gave up her dorm room at NYU and now literally has nowhere to go. Luckily for Dan, he was counting on that. So then there's a speech about how she was right about everything, and he really is pretty much broken by the loss of Milo. It's sad: "Losing Milo broke my heart," he says. But then the upside, in his head, is that while he will always want Serena, in a dream-girl kind of way, that doesn't mean he's not willing to settle for Vanessa, who actually exists. Spitefully, yes, but concretely. They kiss and make up and he promises not to make any trouble for at least a week.

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Gossip Girl

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