Serena comes home Danless and Blair's like, "And in that dress? I'm shocked." She means it, but I'd like to think she's secretly being bitchy about the horrible dress. S has been doing some thinking: If she went with Dan, she'd still partly love Nate, and if she went with Nate, she'd still partly love Dan. So the best option is not to take anything half-assed and find somebody who has the qualities of both, or at least comes in a package that doesn't constantly remind her of what she's giving up. And in the meantime, Grey Gardens. Blair's about to confess to her horrible deeds of tonight, but Chuck shows up so she has to go pay the price even before she can tell S the story. You could die, just hitting Refresh.
"I know what you did, Blair. It's despicable, even for you. Do you hate me so much you can't stand to see me happy?" When you put it that way, she thinks. "So why did you drive the person I care most about out of town?" Blair's actually horrified, because for all this talk about B's plans, the numbers tell a very different story. But Chuck assumes that she wanted Eva gone, which she sort of did but not like he means it, and Chuck's like, "Okay, so are you in love with me or what?" The answer is yes, but that can't be the answer for even more reasons than last year, or the year before, or the year before that, so she just kinda stares at him. "How could I still love you after what you did?"
He thinks it's a rhetorical question: It's not. She's asking his advice. How do you take the narrative to this new place? If he answered the question, he could have her. The door is open, in such a way that she doesn't have to acknowledge it. But his opinion is so low, about both of them, that he doesn't even see the door. "So you did it just to hurt me," he says. Everybody leaves. Before B can stop him, he's off on a tear about how Eva made him into a prince and that, by taking her away, Blair has reawakened his "worst self." He declares war, officially and out loud: "Me versus you. No limits."
The doorman at Juliet's building pulls her away for a second to give her a package that he never actually gives her -- not that Nate notices, dear boy -- and tells her this is her last night in her pretend apartment because the real owners are coming back, before handing her the key. This girl's life is just so charmingly improbable. The elevator closes on them, kissing, and opens on Chuck, packing it in for the night: Ivan expresses his sadness at Eva leaving, and New New Chuck shows his monstrousness by firing Ivan, before closing the door behind him. Back home, on Serena's room as seen from Blair's room, Blair runs back upstairs, to Serena's sad napping self, and curls up in her lap, and starts to sob, and that door closes too.