Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Gravity Always Wins

Nate is super bothered by the idea that Dan keeps promises to Blair and not to him, and realizing how egregious and unnatural that is, Dan crosses his eyes crazily and yells, "Nate, she's a prostitute!" It's amazing, I kept rewinding again and again. "I mean she's like got a web page and a price list! But you can't tell Chuck." Nate's like, "Okay bro, I have to go and tell Chuck. XOXO."

Juliet fake lies that she doesn't know where Dan was, and then uses the Socratic method to get Vanessa to the conclusion that Dan is cheating on her with Serena. Wheels within wheels with this one. But Vanessa, she knows what's up like always: "He's looking for an excuse to get away and not deal with everything. Nate would probably see that he's upset and try to make him talk about it. So he went to the one person he knew would be happy to help him avoid." Which sounds like the depraved justifications of that lady who thought she was married to Dave Letterman -- and it is -- but she's also right. So now even Caveman's Daughter has to go to the big gala where all the characters always go.

Charles has been flirting with Nathaniel more than he has in awhile, this week, but nothing tops this: "Nate Archibald has his I hate to tell you this face on," he giggles, and pulls Nate around the banquette so that he's settled comfortably in the crook of Chuck's arm. Nate being a bit taller than Chuck, it's a compromise they agreed upon long ago, but truth be told Chuck's favorite part is the smell of Nate's hair. It's the stuff they both use, yes, but somehow it just smells different when it's Nate. Chuck pretends he knows all about how Ivva is a whore and that he's totally cool with it -- which he would be, because duh that's like all he knows, vide this entire conversation -- but when Nate leaves, having come here expressly to do the one thing Dan told him not to do, Chuck's brave facade fails, because obviously Blair's going to hold out until the most excruciating second and besides, every time there's a New Chuck Bass it's built on something incredibly faulty and he just figured out where this one is going to crack. And it's a little sad, because he liked this Chuck best.

Vanessa having lied that she's going out with her buds and not the gala, Dan's planning on hanging out at home, reading books as if any of these people go to college. So of course the second Rufus leaves -- reminding Dan that he needs to start truthin' -- S calls and invites Dan to the gala. Meanwhile, Serena has procured and ventured to wear upon her body a dress so ridiculous and stupid-looking that I can't even really deal with it enough to tell you about it. It's a great color of red, but has the silhouette of harem pants, and then top of it is like a superhero costume with cutouts at the bottom of the ribs on either side, sharp angles at the top of the bodice, and creepy red spaghetti straps. Serena's long leash on fashion generally gets my thumbs up, but... I don't even know. The way it's revealed, and later discussed, we're meant to think it's her man-trappin' dress that she got just for Dan, but I just think she looks like I Dream Of Jeannie, only less sexy. Meanwhile, Chuck comes in and stares at Ivva and she's like, "Oh shit, boo," and then locks the door and shows her his pimp hand.

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Gossip Girl




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