Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Your Money Or Your Life

Meanwhile, for no reason except Rufus told her to, Lily comes waddling up to CeCe -- whom it would seem has taken twelve hours to make it down from their apartment, since she's just now putting her stuff in a car despite having been thrown out this morning -- and begs her forgiveness. Except she does it in an awesome speech: "I'm not going to apologize. But I love you, and I know you love me." CeCe says that yes she does, that her only motivation is love, and Lily hands her another big old steaming handful: "On the contrary, your motives are quite suspect. Selfish even!" Hand me the Kleenex, this is like something on Oxygen!

CeCe says she'd rather deal with Serena -- killing dudes and leaving the country and fucking her best friend's boyfriend in public and quitting school, sometimes all on the same day -- than with young Lily, who after all hit a man with a purse. (God knows if CeCe ever hears about the time Blair invited Rachel Carr to the opera she'll have a heart attack!) And she'd take twenty "Dan Humphreys from Brooklyn" over "that boy you loved from the Valley," meaning Owen. Who... Maybe she had him killed? I really hope she did. "Well, you took care of that, didn't you?" says Lily bitterly, and CeCe points out that it turned out okay, because she ended up marrying Keith and having Serena and Eric and tons of money.

Then they have a conversation that contains the word "destiny," and I don't recap those, because I respect myself and I respect you, but also because I guarantee you could construct something better than they came up with, just from me telling you that it contains that word. Lily says that she would have actually become a person, except she couldn't find the time and/or couldn't let her mother go completely, and then she tosses some more sunshine in her mom's face: "Mother please, I'm just asking you to stay. You know, being a mother myself, I've made mistakes that rival -- if not outshine -- your own. And I forgive you."

I would pay any amount of money to see CeCe slap the shit out of Lily right now. Not because she's her mother, but because the fuck you're going to say that shit to any grown up adult? If you have that much of a grudge, cut your losses. Saying shit that pointless and aggressively nasty to any person, regardless of what they've done, reflects more on you than it does them. Whether or not CeCe is toxic in fact -- and I've always found her to be delightful -- she's toxic for Lily, because she makes Lily act in demeaning and crazy ways. "Mother, just say thank you and give me a hug," Lily orders. And although she doesn't push Lily's 18-month-pregnant ass into traffic, which is what I would do, she at least has the grace to explain that she most certainly will not be thanking Lily for the ten million horrible things she's said in this episode, but consents to a hug, and then the music swells and there's an uncomfortably long embrace, in the grip of which Lily's lovely face in the middle of her water weight grins crazily like she's on X.

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Gossip Girl




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