Such a weird episode, and we're not even done, because now Blair's dancing with Nate (and at least one thing is working this week: Fountains of Wayne's "Prom Theme" is playing, which is all about how fake and dumb Prom is, and it's just like this reflection of a reflection of a Baudrillard simulacrum of how Prom is supposed to be, which is Blair's whole life but especially tonight), and she explains to him that their relationship is empty and without merit, and will be dumping him at the conclusion of the song. His only response is facts: "Something is ending: high school!" and "We are dancing at Prom!" and "We are at Prom!" and finally she's like, "Don't speak, hush my darling," and kisses him goodbye. And of course, because he is Nate, he is fine with all of this.
Between the idiotic and pointless ways Serena and Nate react to things in this episode, I'm starting to think it's a valid hypothesis that maybe the sex two years ago was just an improbable coincidence, like she just tripped on something and landed on him. "Oops, we're having sex. I wasn't paying attention." "Okay. I like grilled cheese sandwiches." "Cheese is like so good. Where are our clothes?" "I don't know, but I have to go running through the streets of Manhattan in my panties and have a threesome and kill a dude." "I already forgot this happened."
Afterwards, Serena joins Blair on the steps outside Prom. She looks a little older. "Hey, there you are. Where's the Prom King?" They broke up. Why? Why ask why? This episode doesn't care, why should you? It has to do with the scrapbook, that's all that matters. Blair laughs at Serena because she had the perfect night and realized her entire life is a lie, but meanwhile Serena's night sucked even more because her mom put her in jail and then her date was her brother slash ex-boyfriend. Serena says it's all okay because she made up with Dan and realized that Lily was just acting out of love, and besides the only person she actually loves is Blair, who is sitting right there. This is horribly edited on top of everything else, even with the awesome Freur song "Doot-Doot" playing, with Blair looking in a whole new direction every time the shot changes, so it looks like she's deaf and having a psychotic break unrelated to anything Serena's saying, while simultaneously being really super touched by what Serena's saying.
Carol gets Lily out of jail and they talk about how Lily's a "brawler" and how Lily has totally missed Carol and her crazy ways; Serena explains that Blair is high school -- or at least three out of four years of high school -- because "all of the boyfriends and Mean Girls and tests and teachers and our crazy mothers" were experiences they had together. "We raised each other. You're my sister." So sweet. If it weren't taking place in this unholy mess of an episode, this would be the best scene ever. And the weirdest thing about this episode -- which I've been hating on the whole time and making fun of -- is that I feel that way about every scene. If you just repress the part of your brain that wants reason or logic or competent storytelling or actual characters or moments with any gravity at all, this is so the best episode. Which just goes to show you how many people's hard work goes into TV, because this atrociously written episode is so awesome anyway. It's the most fun.