Lily surprises Rufus, who's sweeping the ceiling of the gallery for the projection installation: "Still doing anything to get a girl on her back, huh?" Oh, Lily, I get what you're saying there. Funny. Rufus is like, "Cut to the chase. You broke up with Bart again?" She chuckles about this latest "thorny welcome," and he half-apologizes, citing his marriage and exhaustion with "games" and Lily showing up at the gallery "randomly -- and often!" just makes everything more complicated. Lily goes cold and smiles, of course, and offers to leave, so of course Rufus scrambles and offers her a place on the floor, because he could use the company. I guess Vanessa and Jenny have already come and left, not that I'm complaining, but I thought they were going to stay all night, which is why the candles came out, so if Dan is really really unlucky, Vanessa's homing in on his crotch as we speak, but I don't really care, because Lily and Rufus are smiling most deliciously.
Elliott Smith is playing, you see, in Dan's bedroom, because what's more of a turn-on than acoustic emo played by the most hideous man ever to stab himself repeatedly in the abdomen? Whatever, they're kissing in the candlelight, and...he is hot, though, isn't he? Little Dan Humphrey, he's got a certain something. The Elliott Smith, by the way? Totally playing on a record player. These boys and their vinyl, I swear. They talk about how they're happy to be together and about to have sex, and just as he gets ready to go, she stops him. "Did I do something wrong?" No, she says, and even though that's the one thing she doesn't ever lie about, he's like, "I knew the hair thing was too much..." Not about you, Humphrey. Zip it. She admits that she's scared, and he interrupts her a thousand times, and the whole time she's trying to say something very simple, which has very little to do with him. And if you want to get this thing off the ground at all, Humphrey, now would be the time to pay attention. She's not a virgin, though she wishes she were. And nobody has ever looked at her the way that Dan just did. And really, nobody's ever looked at her and seen her for real. Take away the stances and propaganda and all of it, the Upper East Side burlesque, take off all the clothes and all the fears and insecurities -- and Dan's best feature is his ability to comprehend these things at the last second -- and you've got a girl who really just wants you to see her. The easiest thing in the world.
Anne Archibald runs around the house like she's on her own personal coke binge, shouting at Nate that she's heading to the police station, and that bail is set at a million, so they can't pay it. "It wasn't even that much coke," Nate protests hilariously, and she's like, "No, also embezzlement and fraud. I guess they've been building their case for a while." As she rushes out, she calls back to him, "Well, are you coming?" I wouldn't bother, even if Blair was right. His dad's kind of a dick.