Gossip Girl wraps things up with awesome, awesome shit like "At the end of every war, the warriors come home, hoping what they've seen and done won't stay with them forever." Juliet puts a spycam in Colin's house, okay, so she can get a video of Serena showing up at his house, okay, to discuss the Fitzgerald book, okay, which he read sometime today even though they've been together almost the entire day, okay, and then Serena kisses him and just when you're like, "I knew this shit wouldn't last more than a week, that means the wolves will be here by Christmas break," she leaves him, bowtie all askew and half-bowtied, and she's like, "Later! Now I'm just being mean."
And down on the street, looking up and wondering if she's going to have to watch a video of her best friend-slash-stalking victim fuck her cousin, Juliet Sharp weeps the tears of a woman who knows she has damned her own soul, and lost any chance at that Archibald garden of delights. But hey, Serena needs to get expelled from college. That's the only way Ben will have his revenge: By taking away the one thing Serena... Never really cared about and in fact blew off for an entire year and is now taking two classes, neither of which she can actually find or be at. Then she'll know the pain of your whole family -- except for its three hottest early-twenties members, naturally -- suffering a fate that is sure to eclipse even What Happened In Santorini, or That Time Serena Didn't Kill Anybody.
Chuck shows up at Blair's to tell her that -- because she accused him of a harmless prank after telling him the sweetest thing she's said in a long time -- the treaty is over. They are no long trucified. "In fact, I can't remember: Why did we trucify ourselves?" Blair admits that the "pretense of civility" was exhausting -- actually it was awesome, they were like pouring tea for each other and shit, it was unnerving -- because "being amicable" isn't in their blood, and they can't be friends because of what she did tonight, and then shit gets wild, son!
Blair's all, "I've never hated anyone more! Every nerve ending in my body is electrified! By hatred." Chuck goes, "There is a fiery pit of hate burning inside me. Ready to explode." Chuck literally says that; this is an actual conversation they are having. She is electrified in her nerves, and he is ready to fuckin' explode, dude. And then it's just crazy town sex romp boogaloo with her up on the piano and then he's hanging from a chandelier with a rose between his teeth and then she's strangling him with a garter belt and then he's running an ice cube all over her ass cheeks while they watch Italian cinema and then she's slapping him with a wet noodle and then they eat that noodle and then they're holding hands and spinning in a circle faster and faster until they almost fall down due to the throbbing centripetal pressure, the explody heat and nervy electric of it all, and then she rides him around like a pony, like a tiny pony, and she rolls into a big ball and he is a small ball and they roll around pretending to be a sexy naked pennyfarthing and then she puts on a top hat and a fake mustache and they do it all the same way again, but reverse, so like equal time is spent on Chuck's bowtie, right, at this point, and then just when you think it's all over? Boom: Madeleine Albright.