The art auction begins, complete with Ivy Dickens -- looking like raw, greasy scrote, I should remind you -- whispering bitchy shit to Lily about her age, because that's the kind of show we're suddenly watching.
Lily: "Listen, you vile little interloper, you and Rufus may have rubbed your last two nickels together to replace my art, but the only people that you're making fools of are yourselves."
100% correct. They are so fucking gross. It's like when Vanessa and Pilot Inspektor decided to teach the UES a thing or two, but even worse because they are so yucky together and individually, whereas Vanessa and Scott were just pathetic individuals. Ten points to House Slytherin, sixty points from House Huffledork.
Lily: "You can pretend to be Lola, you can pretend to be Serena, but you will never be me."
Ivy: "I don't want to be you. I want to be better. Rufus already thinks I am."
Uh, yeah. That's the number one sign you're on the wrong side of history, freak. Points, again, to Slytherin. Ivy makes out with Rufus, and they both keep their eyes on Lily the entire time, and it is to vomit a million and one vomits.
Blair: "Hi Mom, hi Nelly Yuki. I just wanted to tell you guys real quick that I suck and I am resigning from that job you already fired me for. Making it three times as pointless for me to do this, since it also involved the three of us leaving my house and coming here, so that I could say this thing that doesn't need saying."
Eleanor: "When I fired you, I only mostly meant it. I was just trying to scare you, instead of parenting or making rational business decisions."
Blair: "You will always be why I'm fucked up, mother dear. But in the meantime, I quit. That's right, I quit the job you already fired me from."
Nelly Yuki: "Oh my God, we heard you."
Eleanor: "Why won't this conversation end?"
Blair: "I just have one more thing to say. That job you already fired me from? I quit. That's right, I quit that job I don't have. I'm done. It's over."
Eleanor: "Got it. Is this your having-a-stroke side you're showing us now?"
Blair: "Look. No matter how hard I work, I will never be you, and I think it was just my dark side trying to hide that. So effective immediately, I resign from Waldorf Designs."
Eleanor: "Jesus Christ."
Nate: "Talk to me as you attempt to reach the Conrad in your car, or someone from the APF on the phone."
Chuck: "Okay, yeah. I'd like to discuss it with you while it is happening."
Nate: "Have you yet reached the Conrad in your car?"
Chuck: "No, not as yet."
Nate: "Have you reached anyone from the APF by phone?"
Chuck: "I am on the phone with you, actually."