Gossip Girl
Where The Vile Things Are

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 3 USERS: A+
Spectrum Und Drang

Blair: "Your article has ruined my life, Humphreak!"
Dan: "I doubt that highly."
Blair: "But suddenly my mother thinks I'm a useless tool with no character consistency and a completely unrealistic throughline! That I'm gross when I don't need to be, and spineless when I should show self-respect! That in the service of overall meaningless plot developments I've been rendered impotent, without agency, a harridan and pathetic by turns! They're saying I make zero sense! And that my relationship with Chuck verges on disgusting!"
Dan: "Yeah but all those things are true."
Blair: "Still, I blame you. I'll summon Vanessa Abrams! I'll do even worse, like that's an actual possibility!"
Dan, verbatim: "Do you hear yourself? You're trying to bully me into retracting an article about you being a bully."

It goes on for a while. It's pretty obnoxious. He's such a hypocrite that in order for him to talk down to her, triggering some deeper understanding for her about the fact that she sucks -- basically the only thing he ever does on this show -- she has to start out so awful and deluded and shitty and dumb that you kind of just want to hit her.

Dan: "...In summation, you are horrible and everyone hates you and you deserve nothing and you should probably go kill yourself."
Blair: "Thanks, Dan. You're always so right. I am worthless. All women are worthless. I gotta call Nelly Yuki and invite her to Lily's art benefit tonight so I can tell everybody how much I suck and have it appear in WWD."
Dan: "Oh, are you going to that?"
Blair: "No, but I'm on this show. Is it really worth explaining, at this point, why the entire cast will be at that thing?"
Dan: "Not this late in the day, no."


Chuck: "Keep looking at the back of all the art in the house, Nate. Don't get distracted. Don't lose your train of thought."
Nate, verbatim: "The back of artwork is really boring!"

Serena appears; they stare blondly, both having forgotten what is even going on.

Nate: "Nothing, just writing a story on Lily's art collection for the Spectator."
Serena: "Oh, yeah? Is it fucking somebody?"

Nate: "Hey, why are you reading words?"
Serena: "It's that first short story Dan wrote about the love of his life."
Nate: "Charlie Trout?"

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Gossip Girl




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