Gossip Girl
Where The Vile Things Are

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 4 USERS: A+
Spectrum Und Drang

It's like when a movie you haven't seen since you were a kid comes on, like, Neverending Story okay, and you can barely remember who the characters are or what the main deal is, but the second Artax starts goin' down in that swamp, your ass is right back there.


Blair: "Hey, Nelly Yuki. How'd you know I'd be on the Met steps?"
Nelly Yuki: "Shot in the dark, considering you have been here exactly once since graduation."
Blair: "Say some random shit that will inspire me in an exceedingly unlikely way."
Nelly Yuki: "You can make fun of how unpopular I used to be, but the person no one cares about anymore is you."
Blair: "You know when I was popular? When headbands. Excuse me, I have to go take back that job I don't have, for about the third time."
Nelly Yuki: "...What just happened?"

This time I really think one or more of them has a stroke. Off a barely-there joke about Brooklyn Without Limits-style sustainable shopping, this is the end of the scene.

Nelly Yuki: "Where are you going? You won't look good in hemp!"
Blair: "But you will, while you eat crow!"

I have been looking at that exchange all week, trying to figure out what the fuck they are talking about, and I just can't get there. Is Blair Waldorf Gossip Girl? Because that was some GG-caliber nonsense. The individual phrases parse, the idiom exists, and yet put them together and what do you get? Like, nothing. That means literally less than nothing.


Rufus: "Thanks for putting your painting in this fake auction, Todd Diciurcio."
Todd Diciurcio: "It is very glamorous to be on this television show in 2012."
Chuck Bass: "Whatever."
Ivy: "I thought we were on the same team!"
Chuck Bass: "Yeah, um, no. We're on opposite teams. You want to take down Lily, and I want to take down Bart. And sad to say, this lovely painting is for my storyline."
Ivy: "No! My storyline is being a bitch for no reason and doing petty shit that makes Rufus look even worse than usual!"
Chuck: "Well, my storyline is about an envelope attached to that painting. For now."
Ivy: "Then give me $2.2M for it."
Chuck: "Fine, whatever. You're such a fucking urchin all the time."

Gossip Girl: "Spotted: Ivy moonlighting as a gallerina. Better hope this masterpiece isn't a forgery!"

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Gossip Girl




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