Gossip Girl
Where The Vile Things Are

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 4 USERS: A+
Spectrum Und Drang

...I give. Remember that one time she glitched out toward the end of the episode and suddenly wouldn't shut up about the Beatles? That was so amazing. Sometimes I think that Gossip Girl is actually just the internet gaining sentience, and that's why she talks like this. Like Horse_ebooks or Daniel Manitou, just a robot trying desperately to talk about people the way actual people do. Hoping nobody notices. Failing the Turing Test at every opportunity.


Serena: "I'm so glad you meaned me into eating strawberries with you."
Dan: "Sometimes I forget why I'm even like this."
Serena: "The good thing about having zero friends or prospects or marketable skills is that it regresses me all the way to when we met. Back the last time I vanished, back when people actually gave a shit that I constantly do that."
Dan: "Well, even then I kind of was the only person who cared. In my smothering, vicious way."
Serena: "...Listen, you want to stay here tonight?"
Dan: "I have my pride, madam. My pride, and this check from Vanity Fair I keep waving around."
Serena: "No, I was saying do you want to stay here tonight. This is not like a complicated code I'm talking in."
Dan: "I said I have my pride."
Serena: Literally pops out one boob.
Dan: "This is my idea, but I would like to stay here tonight."
Serena: "Oh brother."


Blair: "Mother dear, I should not have quit."
Eleanor: "Daughter dear, you didn't. You were fired. I can't do this again, it's late."
Blair: "My point is that while I may be a deviant managerially, one thing I've always had is an untrained, child's approach to fashion. A business that we all know requires no education or talent."
Eleanor: "We bought this bullshit when it was Jenny, I guess I can buy it now. Go on."
Blair: "People didn't dress like me in high school because I got straight-A's..."
Eleanor: "-- Oh what, now we're saying everybody dressed like you in high school?"
Blair: "...They dressed like me because they were fascinated by my ferocity."
Eleanor: "You did instill fear in the hearts of many."

"I need to stop trying to be you, and use my power to form the fashionistas of the future... With a line for high school girls, inspired by my Constance uniform. These won't be the uniforms they have to wear, they'll be the uniforms they beg to wear. Ones they see on the girls they want to be. They own this town."

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Gossip Girl




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