Serena: "In the olden days they would elect one king for a day! The biggest fool in all the land would have access, for that one day, to the finest foods and hottest chicks. And then at the end of the day, they would burn him in a large wicker man."
Dan: "Pssh. In Brooklyn that's just like, brunch. You guys are so behind all the time."
Nate: "Bruce, you seem to be enjoying this coke and whore party. Anything else I can get you?"
Bruce: "I think we both know what happens now, pretty."
Nate: "This ain't my first rodeo. But quid pro quo, Clarice. First you tell me where Bart's secret envelope is."
Bruce: "I won't do that, but I will leave with all of your whores and coke."
He does, practically blowing a kiss on the way out. Chuck comes melting out of the shadows like usual. Like Ivy Dickens, but more oily.
Chuck: "How could you just let him leave? You and I both know you can take a dick, Nathaniel."
Nate: "First of all, Charles, it ain't the '80s. That Gordon Gekko subjugation shit will only get you so far. But secondly, I stole his phone instead."
Chuck: "You beautiful man. You Olivia Munn of a man."
Nate: "I'm learning about business!"
Chuck: "Sure you are, l'il guy."
Eleanor: "Trading your traditional, symbolically iffy hydrangeas for peonies and sending handwritten apologies to the Cotillion board was a good first step."
Blair, verbatim: "Poppy did seem touched by my donation to her charity for children who can't smile."
Dorota: "So I guess we're done here, huh? You take your vile ass back to wizened goblin lover now."
Eleanor: "Uh, no. I have about a million other bullshit moves left in my purse."
Blair: "I have admitted that I am powerless over my scheming. I've admitted that my life has become unmanageable. What else? That's why they call it a two-step program."
Eleanor: "What else is, Nelly Yuki."
Nelly Yuki: "Hey, just chillin' in your dining room. Bein' Gossip Girl and waitin' for some ass-kissin'."
Eleanor: "I hope this is horrible for you. That, and plot contrivance, are the main howcomes of this."