Blair: "Good God. This hour I've spent with you is every bit as painful as that would be. Just split the difference, you asshole. Just do me a favor, you fucking loser."
Blair produces a picture of Nelly Yuki in her Mrs. Manson Mingott fatsuit from the best episode: Blahdow. But before Nelly Yuki can do anything interesting -- as is par for the course, this season -- Eleanor busts in and Nelly Yuki immediately tattles about Blair's blackmail attempt.
Blair, like a tool: "This is all Nelly Yuki's fault! She was clearly lying because she's always been jealous of me."
Nelly Yuki: "The only clear things are that Daniel Humphrey was right about you, that I am dangerously obsessed with him, and that I am Gossip Girl."
Eleanor: "I also believe everything he writes, like an idiot. So you are no longer the president of Waldorf Designs, which was stupid anyway, effective immediately."
Blair: "Oh no! That changes my life in literally no way whatsoever!"
Lily: "The fuck is this noise? Why are you taking down all of my awesome paintings and putting up these shitty ones?"
Rufus: "Well, we thought we'd piss all over your life for reasons I think are my own."
Lily: "Uh, no. I will get this taken care of. You sit tight, losers."
Benedict: "So here's the thing. These assholes just bought all the paintings."
Lily: "But see, those were a carefully curated group of works I chose specifically for this event. And so how the hell could this shitshow possibly compete with..."
Benedict: "Lady, quit giving me grief. Oh, no? How about a little WASP Kryptonite? You asked for it, you got it. I never imagined you'd object to raising more money for such a worthwhile cause. Rufus and Ivy have broken our fundraising records. Doesn't that make sharing your hosting duties a small price to pay? Or will I have to set the bitchy art world on you?"
Lily: "Gotcha. Little baby wanna play? Oh, Mama can play. Let me just bring in some of my super-extra-amazing art and we'll see who wins this pointless contest."
Benedict: "I literally could not care either way, ya dinks. Just keep throwing money at me like idiots."
ENGRAVER * CHOCOLATIER * NOTARY
Blair spots Dan in some boutique buying chocolate-dipped strawberries, the better to woo his simpleminded love, using Gossip Girl. She waits until he exits, then jumps on him exactly like the complete asshole she has to be for this episode to even make sense.