Serena swears that she's going to fix everything, which gives just about everybody pause because generally that involves her donning a monocle and smoking a pipe in France, but Eric's so worn out from being Eric that he just heads upstairs and feels sorry for himself for giving it up to Dalgaard in the first place. Meanwhile Ben is like, "You know, or we could just let Damien send Lily to jail. Her being a bitch, and all."
Serena admits that she is once again at war with her mother but that's such a constant thing that she's not just going to flip over on this one time her mother could go to jail for a felony, and Ben practically tries to spin this as her being a bad girlfriend, so Serena gives him the cold shoulder, and boobs, and whips her hair around, and takes off. Ben heads back to DUMBO to get more harsh Dan treatment and wonder why Serena won't just join him in wishing her mother ill.
"This job offer won't last forever," Blair hisses at Dan, and he points out that working for Blair Waldorf would kill anybody but especially him. She multitasks while screeching at him to tell Penelope to get away from the "tasteful gift-free zone" she's checked in on at GG.net, and then screams at the person on the phone at Prada about magazine stuff, and then returns to yell at Humphrey for still being there.
"I'm not gonna work for you, but as a friend, I am willing to help out. All you have to do is admit you need me." Finally a Humphrey we can agree on. She brings out the best in him, always has. Maybe because his inordinate amount of "ethics" makes more sense up against Blair than it ever did against the well-meaning tofu that is Serena's day. Blair orders coffee, warns Dan that none of them are for him, and he props his feet up on the desk with a funny voice: "I don't really like refreshments with my theatah."
Did I mention every single actor is amazing in this episode? It's the most fun group effort I can think of, ever, on this show. Every person is having a blast, near as I can tell. Anyway, Nate finds Raina leaving her tea with Anne Archibald's nutty ass, heading to Trump Palace for a quick meeting with Ivanka, and then Nate does this New Yorker trick on her where he quickly tells her everything she needs to know about getting around the city before offering to squire her across the Park.
"Eric has always been so serious and grown-up," Lily explains about her horrible depressing party theme. "This will be his last grasp at childhood." Honey, no. He had no childhood because you are deranged and because he comes from a long line of ladies who treat every occasion like they're Leni Riefenstahl and Edie Sedgwick at the same time. Back with Chuck, Lily discusses their scheme some more and then just as she's worrying about Russell taking the bait, of course, the second she's saying it, Russell calls.