Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
The Time To Make Up Your Mind About People

So now, how to get $100 grand? Dan's all, "That's crazy! There is not that much money in the whole world!" and everybody else feels super awkward and it's hilarious, and then Serena, a fuzzy little lightbulb goes off over her head at this point and she's like, "You're turning eighteen, so the checkbook to your Rhodes trust fund is somewhere in the pile." Saved! By entitlement! Once again! The blondes rush off to open all the presents and Blair randomly grabs Dan and goes, "I know you're thinking that Stroop is one of the symptoms of chronic fatigue, but I'm not even tired!" Dan just shakes his head and runs off, and it's great. Of course Blair would need to make that point to him, even though she just sent him on a $100,000 goosechase to buy drugs.

Facts found while going through Russell's computer: The secret backer is a guy named Bradley Kidd from Atlanta, for whom the financial scenarios Thorpe ran left out the part where Bass Ind. would be more profitable intact. This proves that it's personal, which we've been tossing around for a few weeks now, and also that Thorpe is lying to Kidd, regarding which the teenaged tycoon Chuck has invited Kidd to a child's birthday party so that they can coup. Lily and Charles congratulate each other on their scary good job of spying, and Rufus desperately mentions how watching his wife corporately maneuver is so totally sexy, and she's like, "Duplicity turns you on? The fuck haven't you mentioned that before now? I spent the entirely of last season trying to convince you I wasn't a soulless manipulator. Give a girl a break!"

Ke$ha, at this party? Excellent. Finally the truth about Serena's secret Hannah Montana lifestyle can be revealed! But no, it's actually just Nate and Raina stoned and playing some kind of dance game on the Wii. At the conclusion of the song, Nate does this amazing move where he like secretly vogues his hand in front of his face, and it's amazing and the reason animated .gifs were invented, and then they eat a bunch of ice cream and talk mad stoner shit -- "We should start our own company! This is really fun! I like dancing!" -- and just when it's almost too adorable, Chuck calls and summons them to Eric's party. I guess because Chuck needs Raina to see him take down her dad and the inevitable meltdown that will make her see he's been right all along and is not a scalliwag blackguard like she correctly thinks.

Before they leave, Nate goes, "You know who loves ice cream? Chuck! He loves it!" Which first of all, Raina's onto you, subtle though you're being, but second of all: Is this Nate A) Being cute about Chuck his favorite person? B) Being an idiot? Or C) Deliberately fucking up his mission of whoredom because he is crushing on Raina? I think all three. Far be it from me to assume depths to these characters that don't actually exist, you know I would never do that, but either way it's fun to think about.

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Gossip Girl




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