Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
The Time To Make Up Your Mind About People

"Ugh! I hate professional gift wrapping," Serena whines as they take down the pile of monster presents, which I like so identify with because I too have known the pain of the clock ticking as I try to find my trust fund checkbook to pay off my drug dealer, and then Lily raises the stakes on their Elite Problems when she appears and hisses, "What are you doing? Do you realize how gauche it is to open gifts at a party? Before dessert?"

Blair shows up in time for Eric to open the Baccarat salad bowl she intended for her mom -- "which means that your Larry Clark print is on its way to her, Penelope" -- and everybody runs around a whole lot more. At first I was like, "Larry Clark? Really?" but yeah. The unholy union of Nan Goldin and American Apparel, the constant specter of horny teen suicide... He's Chuck's little brother, after all. God knows they've both seen enough of their mom's infinite Mapplethorpe bush, at this point, for a lifetime.

"The Dan part was a mistake," Serena tries to explain, "But I did ask Blair to help." Ben's like, "I'm fairly certain that we agreed your mother could go fuck herself? Is it really your plan to send yet another of your boyfriends to jail for that woman?" S is like, "Dude?" And he totally goes, "Are you saying you choose Lily?" Um, when you put it that way, yes. Douche.

While Blair finds and tackles Bryn Harold in the middle of conversation with Lily, Russell walks in and acts like he's already having an affair with Lily -- which is dicey because his secret buyer is secretly on his way to a secret meeting with Charles -- except that Rufus immediately comes running up yelling about "What the hell is going on? You think I'm a fool? I know what went on between you two! And it looks like it's still going! You invited him to Eric's 18th birthday party!" Lily is amazed, makes fifteen fabulous faces, and sends Rufus away. "Some men know how to behave appropriately at social events," she very much Lilys, and Russell leaves them to gloat and be cute with each other about how much fun it is to lie and scream and yell all the time on the UES.

Blair's still babbling at Bryn a few hours later, working her way around to the reacharound -- "I'm imprinting proper etiquette and fashion sense as well as my philanthropic mandate on a whole new generation, much like you did!" -- when Bryn points out that A) Blair is wearing two similar-but-different black shoes with jeweled pilgrim witch buckles and B) Where is Chuck, because Bryn's a huge fan of Raina Thorpe and wants an intro. Daaaaaamn.

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Gossip Girl

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