Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You

"You know what? You are out of control. I always knew you had a wild side, but... How can you look at yourself? What have you become? I thought we were past all of this, Serena. I thought you were doing so well. I have nothing left but to send you to reformatory school. What do you think about that?" Serena stares at her, and Lily stomps off to make nice with some more guests; Serena breathes. Blair comes up to ask what went down, and Serena wraps herself around her, sobbing.

Queens, where Lisa Loeb -- whom we've always said was the rat-haired patron saint of Rufus and Lily's love -- is hanging with Rufus while Vanessa gets all the last-minute stuff together. Dan arrives with Sarah, and snots at Rufus about how the last time he played there were twenty people, and now it's all the way up to a hundred. Rufus introduces Sarah and Dan to Lisa Loeb; they have no idea who she is. I feel so old today. Lisa Loeb goes off to get ready to sing that one song, and Rufus asks about Serena. "I'll take good care of him, Mr. Humphrey. Promise!" sparkles Sarah. Dan exposits that Jenny's in Hudson, and made him promise to call her during "Something Like That" so she can hear Rufus mess up the bridge. Heh. Dan and Sarah head for the risers, and a girl calls out several times, "Georgina! Hey, Georgina!" Sarah gets scared, but keeps walking. "I've never seen her before in my life... Um, let's go get a drink."

Blair strides right up to Lily, interrupting her conversation with some very realistic extras: "Don't send her away." Lily reminds Blair that it's impolite to interrupt, but Blair has no time for human logic or etiquette. "I don't care who hears. Just don't send her away." Lily excuses herself and takes Blair aside to explain to her that it's none of her business what she does as a mother, and that "if anything," Blair is one of the reasons Serena's going nuts. Lily, fucking discover Gossip Girl already. That is so five months ago.

"I say this with all due respect, Lily, but you have no idea what your daughter's been going through. She's in a lot of pain, and I don't think the pain's gonna go away if she goes away." Lily asks for clarification. "Serena has a secret, and she's been holding on to it for a long, long time. And now it's finally catching up with her. I'm out of my league here. I can't do any more than I've done, and it's not enough. She needs you." God, the second Blair Waldorf admits she's in over her head, you just call the Coast Guard. That's the very next thing you do. "I saw the video. She doesn't need me. She needs boundaries." Blair assures her that's not the whole story, and starts to fill in the blanks.

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Gossip Girl

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