Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You

Blair spots Serena, but Serena spots her first: "Hey, what are you doing here?" Blair prevaricates that she's a "big Leaky Hawk fan," and Chuck tells S -- "you're out of luck" -- that Georgina's gone. And Dan? "I'm out of luck. He's still around." Serena smiles and takes B's hands. "It's all over now. I can finally tell Dan everything. Will you help me find him?" They head off, leaving Chuck alone.

Lily's in the service corridor off the stage, about to call Bart and tell him she's fixed everything but ended up in Queens, but the stage door opens just long enough for her to hear the song Rufus is playing onstage. She hangs up without calling, and heads out onto the floor. Rufus is still singing that same line over and over and over and over and over and over. He spots her, and she is amazed by how awesome he is. They are totally sexy staring at each other, and he is a rock and roll force for like one second. She leaves as he's ending the song, and Lisa Loeb comes up to offer an encore, but Rufus hops down and trots outside, where Lily's standing around staring or something, preparatory to getting in the towncar. He stands in front of her. His black western-cut shirt has like embroidered roses on it. He is pulling it off. She tells him to get out of her way, twice, and he refuses, twice, and she kisses the hell out of him.

Blair and Chuck follow Serena into the stands; Blair's phone rings: "HUMPHREY CALLING." She passes the phone to Serena, and she nearly cries with relief. "Hey, thank God you called! I'm here looking for you right now. Where are you?" But of course, it is Georgina. "With me," she says all spooky. "I hear you told our little secret. If that's the way you wanna play it, that's how we'll play it." Serena's proud: "No. I'm not afraid of you anymore." As Dan approaches with more coffee, G continues to make with the vague thuggish threats. "Oh? You should be. 'Cause all bets are off."

Serena's mystified why G is still acting like a Gary Oldman movie. "Why? What are you gonna do?" G creepily smiles. "It's not what I'm gonna do, sweetie. It's who I'm gonna do it with." Serena finally gets it, but like hold up: I'm not sure I get it. Why is that so bad? You just told him you cheated on him, and he dumped you. You're on a break. It's not going to be particularly satisfying or meaningful sex for any parties, so this is all just burlesque anyway. It's like a special handshake with mental illness. This is exactly as much of a problem as you let it be and you're just handing it to G right here. Dan looooves hating ladies. Let him sleep with G, then tell him the whole thing, and he will not only be indebted to you for life, but will lead the brigade to destroy her. Serena, you need some lessons. "No. I know Dan. He's too good."

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Gossip Girl

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