Dan stammers, as is his wont. "Oh. You know, I see I'm interrupting, so I'll..." Lily admits that she's never been happier to see him, but the cuteness escapes him because he's just so very focused on not looking for his girlfriend in any way, and instead just randomly wandering the hotel that he has established she is nowhere in. Lily, seeing he's stuck in a perseveration loop, asks if he's tried calling. "Pretty sure she lost her phone." Lily mentions that Charles said he was going to Blair's to pick her up. "Ah, yes. 'Charles.' Charles, of course. Thank you so much." He takes off for B's, and Lily tells the reporter to bounce: "I'm simply going to have to ask you to leave, because I have a wedding to attend: My own."
RS is not put off so easily, because like any good journalist tasked with finding out the truth about people nobody knows or cares about, he's just got to get to the bottom of this boring story, because that's what the script for this episode says he's going to do. "Do you think you were able to take such incredible photos of Rufus Humphrey because of how much you were in love with him?" Lily clarifies -- and watch this be a pull quote -- that she wasn't even that much in love with Rufus to begin with. Ha! The reporter takes off and Lily thinks about how that was a total lie, because what actually just happened is that the reporter was the hand of God moving Lily three illegal steps across the checkerboard toward the end of the episode, because we don't have time for anything to actually make sense.
Blair's still zooming around the place like a madwoman and barely spares Dan a glance as he enters her place. She sends Dorota up with some towels as Nate comes downstairs, asking what's taking so long. "Huh. Guess I missed a chapter..." says Dan, and his jaw drops further as Chuck enters the parlor with a platter of bagels. "Or... Four. Don't, ah, don't all of you hate each other?" Blair says "Yes," Chuck says, "No," but Nate musters up a weak "Absolutely." Dan says that whole dynamic is fascinating -- and really, it is -- but he really only cares about finding Serena. Which, if Serena weren't so fixated on his opinion of her, would be the perfect time for all four of them to unite for love of Serena, but I'll be satisfied with three. They lock ranks, and Chuck tells Dan she's already gone. "She just left. You must've crossed paths," says Blair, and Dan continues to protest and call them liars some more.
"Fine," Blair says, her very real concern and lack of desire to do this apparent, but mixing into a different, fake concern: "I didn't want to have to tell you this, but... she doesn't want to see you." Dan's not really buying it, but he is just so sad! It's killing me! Blair says she's being for real, and they all look at him and feel bad. Especially Nate, who kind of loves Dan and still doesn't know what the hell is going on. (Chuck, less so on both counts.) He heads for the stairs, and they actually line up in front of him as he shouts her name. "She's telling the truth," says Nate, and Dan makes a preliminary Red Rover rev-up: "Are you really gonna stop me from seeing my girlfriend?" They tell him to chill out as he gets very excited, and of course that's the moment that Serena comes floating out onto the landing.