Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You

"Finally! So why are you still at Blair's? You're supposed to be here." But it's Dorota. (This whole episode is phone calls from Serena that aren't actually from Serena, because Serena's lost, which is how the season started.) "Ms. van der Woodsen, it is Dorota. Miss Waldorf's..." Lily's impatient, knows damn well who Dorota is, but this isn't a great time. She's got a wedding to destroy! "Oh, the wedding, I know. Miss Serena is here. I know it's not my place, but... Miss Serena is... Like the old days." Lily's not quite sure she wants this call: "What are you trying to say?" Dorota, who is very worried and very awesome as usual, hesitates: "I think you should worry about your daughter. Worry like before she went away." Lily thanks her and hangs up and wonders if she's killing another kid. Bart offers to come with, but she airkisses him and heads off, to do something she's done too many times before. Lily heads back inside and searches S's room, finds the USB drive in her stuff pretty quickly, and reads Georgina's note. Lily moves her lips when she reads. I don't know why that's adorable except she's Lily.

"...I can't believe I just did that," Serena shivers, hangover like a freight train, and Nate asks what she was thinking. "I mean, did you cheat on Dan?" No, she actually remembers last night for once. "Then why would you say that to him?" asks Blair, but the answer's obvious: the devil you know. "Because I would rather Dan think I cheated on him than know what I really did." Which was what? Still not interested in telling that one. "Dan puts me on a pedestal. If he knew the truth, he would never look at me again." Even Chuck's freaked at this point; Nate uses his most soothing tones. "We've seen you with vomit in your hair, making out with investment bankers in the men's room at PJ Clarke's. You don't have to hide anything from us," says Blair, more sweetly than you might think from the words on the page. "None of us are saints," says Nate. (Aww, Nate kind of is.) Blair reminds her that she fucked Chuck in the back of a limo -- "several times," Chuck mentions -- and not to be outdone, Nate reminds her about when they fucked last year at the Shepherd wedding -- "once," he says, and the three of them look hilariously at each other for a sec. Chuck breaks it down fabulously as usual: "I'm Chuck Bass."

Blair reiterates that they don't judge, and Serena starts to cry. "We're the non-judging Breakfast Club. We're your best friends. Anything you do is something we did, too." Serena promises to tell, if it never leaves the room. She is so full of drama today I can't even handle it. "You all know Georgina Sparks," she begins, and Blair shoots a glance at Chuck: "Some of us better than others... It's not like you didn't lose your virginity to her in seventh grade." He corrects her: "Sixth, actually, and I've been avoiding her ever since. The bitch is a psycho." Serena explains that something went down the night of the Shepherd wedding, and Blair cuts in: "I think we're all aware of what happened that night." Heh. "No, something else, something I've tried to escape, but Georgina won't let me. And now she's blackmailing me." The boys are aghast. "It started when Blair thought you and I had too much to drink. She told us to go outside, get some air, sober up."

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Gossip Girl

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