Gossip Girl
Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 982 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
The World Was A Mess, But His Hair Was Perfect

...So let us not be sure of anything, / besides ourselves, and only that, so / miraculous beings come running to help.
Crazed, lying in a zero-circle, mute, / we will be saying finally, / with tremendous eloquence, "Lead us."
When we've totally surrendered to that beauty, / we'll become a mighty kindness.

Freeze-frame on a group high-five of epic proportion. Fade to sunset. Nate's slouchy polo loses another button. Just say Yes.

HERRICK PARK, EAST EGG

Jay McInerney, verbatim: "Daniel! I was thinking about you just yesterday, old boy. Read an advanced copy of a story that Vanity Fair is running in their next issue. Reminded me of your work. Only better."
Dan: "Who wrote it?"
The Facts: Why, almost anybody!
Jay: "That's the thing, no one knows. Totally anonymous. And everyone's talking about it... It's a little Wharton and a lot Wolfe. The modern mores and misdoings of upper crust Manhattan. I thought of you because the protagonist's name was Dylan Hunter, of all things! The initials being what they are..."

Other Things Jay McInerney Has Recently Mistaken For Daniel Humphrey

  • Bigoted, retrograde ABC hate-farce Desperate Housewives
  • Horny, rakish-hairstyle inspiring 1900s novelist D.H. Lawrence
  • Fading, but still irritating internet acronym Dear Husband
  • Neue Deutsche Härte band Rammstein's hit 1997 single "Du Hast"
  • Menswear line Dior Homme, whose seminal (YMMV) S/S 2006 runway gave rise to this recap's title
  • Celebrated designated hitter Dave Hostetler
  • Sideburned, cheekbone-gifted Hollywood lust object Penn Badgely

Dan, trusting in Jay McInereny's ability to connect random dots like an insane shut-in, abruptly peaces. Sayonara East Egg, and hello Upper East Side!

CHEZ WALDORF

Princess Sophie: "I see from your list of demands, Blair..."
Eleanor: "-- Demands?"
Princess Sophie: "...That you would like to have peonies in your bridal bouquet."

(They are, of course, Blair's totem flower: They can symbolize riches, honor or shame. But what Sophie's rejecting, perhaps, is their secondary meaning: Good luck in marriage. And what Blair's making an issue of, perhaps, is all the times peonies symbolized her impossible relationship with Chuck.)

Gossip Girl

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