Gossip Girl
Yes, Then Zero

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: B+
The World Was A Mess, But His Hair Was Perfect

They crack each other up, these two. The funniest thing about Crawford being a good comedic actor is when you consider how Nate regularly ends up homeless, forced into prostitution by his father, dating girls whose dads set people on fire, having his heart broken by various cousins and old women and Anderson Cooper's entire family, losing out regularly to the thrill of incest, rescuing his drug addict bitch mother from the garden, and losing his best friend to suicides. And yet it's Chuck who goes around with that face on his face, and for what, he's got like one rapey uncle and that's it. That's his whole problem. That, and the scourge of domestic violence.

Serena: "Nate, you have the least stressful life of anyone who has ever existed."
Nate: "That's the problem. Have you ever read The Beautiful and Damned?"
Serena: "I don't believe so, no."
Nate: "Well, it's like that."

Serena: "If you don't know or like who you are, become someone else! A lame Frenchman married to a whore, for example, or a bisexual Russian girl named Svetlana that gives dudes hotshots and then bolts. Become a Strong Woman like Blair, or dress up like me. That was really big last season, everybody did it. Reinvent yourself as a dickhole, like my brother did last year. Hell, run off to boarding school and get some guy thrown in jail. This show was founded on the principle that you both can and cannot run from who you are. That's why Gossip Girl exists."

I miss Carter Baizen so much, you guys. He is my soul candy; I want to watch him watch the wave. I am Santorini and What Happened is: The boat he stole, it is my heart.

Nate: "For someone who seems even more oblivious than you, I gotta say last year really got to me. There was my dad, Juliet, Raina... You randomly started jerking me around for no reason again..."
Serena: "Yeah, I was on a tear."
Nate: "...So I just think maybe I should do some thinking. But I don't know what that's like."
Serena: "I am on the same page as you, usually, but this time I have discovered the key and it is this. We are in Hollywood, where everybody does it."
ibid., verbatim: "Look at me. I have gone from It Girl to Working Girl in just 3000 miles!"
Nate: "I don't even see the double entendre there."
Serena: "Frankly, I don't think I do either."
Nate: "So you're saying we should go to this party tonight at an unnamed woman's house -- who will be played by Elizabeth Hurley but is named if you can believe this Diana Payne -- and I'll pretend to be someone else?"
Serena: "What do you say?"
Nate: "YES!"

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Gossip Girl




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