Gossip Girl
Yes, Then Zero

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
The World Was A Mess, But His Hair Was Perfect

As if watching Ed Westwick's accent like a hawk isn't enough of a burden for the nitpickers among us, now we've got two people doing it at each other without anybody else around.

Chuck: "I was just being pervy, it really wasn't necessary to... What's this, a Howler from Blair that Nate's hidden from me? Cheeky little... Save The Date? Oh girl, we are not taking your truck. This calls for some serious Bella Swan overreacting. Where is LA's most dangerous twisty road?"
Zoƫ Bell: "Laurel Canyon, but that's not on our..."
Chuck: "Suit up, Stunty. I got me a vampire to hallucinate."

HOUSE OF PAYNE

Maurice: "Serena, how sorry to see you looking so... Wait, you did all the menial easy-ass things on that list? Maybe this job really is beneath me. Or us. Maybe Hollywood is a glorious mirage, both beautiful and damned."
Serena: "Let me just drop these drugs off with Patrick Roberts the Actor and then you can eat your iPad."
Marco: "Oh, the iPad that used to say 'Buy Patrick Roberts some drugs' but now doesn't? Okay, sure. You go find him and give him some drugs, I'll just be here, victorious. I hate you doing things well!"
Serena: "I am still oddly unbothered by your horrible 'tude."

Serena, wearing Ventura Beach's entire turquoise crop worth of necklaces: "Now, what is your new personality?"
Nate: "Brothaniel Snarchibald, scion of the Flanderbilt fortune."
Serena: "Oh, Nate."

Groupies: "ARE YOU THAT GUY? FROM THAT THING?"
Brothaniel: "...Yes?"
Groupies: "CAN WE HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?"
Brothaniel: "...Yes?"
Groupies: "DO YOU HAVE A NICE CAR AND RICH PEOPLE STUFF LIKE A PONY?"
Brothaniel: "Yes."

Cougar: "Is this your house?"
Brothaniel: "...Yes?"
Cougar: "Can I get a tour?"
Brothaniel: "Yes?"
Groupies: "But wait..."
Cougar, whirling around on them with her nails: "Hsssssst!"

They scatter to the winds, terrified. They will not watch him watch this wave. No soul candy for you, ladies.

Actor Patrick Roberts: "My, my. If it isn't New York's finest. Nice to see you out and about for once!"
Serena: "Wait, am I cop now? Did I reinvent myself as a cop? Maybe this is harder than I thought. Well, anyway, here are some drugs."
Actor Patrick Roberts: "Great! Wait, doesn't the entire film depend on my sobriety?"
Serena: "That's not something, apparently, about which I would know."

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Gossip Girl

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