Blair, Dan and Louis all stare at each other and breathe heavily, drunk on drama.
Blair: "I don't understand, Louis. Are you following me now?"
Louis, eyes darting to Dan: "No, Blair. Actually..."
Blair: "It's fine if you are, because I can do this in person then..."
Dan, staring longingly at Louis: "No. Louis is not here for you."
The Moment: Is unending. She watches him watch the wave.
Dan: "Louis didn't meet you tonight because he was helping me. Last spring, I wrote a story about you, and due to a Series Of Unfortunate Events, that story is going to be published. Was going to be. Louis kindly obliged to help me kill it, before it came out so it wouldn't embarrass you, and that's exactly what he did. He really is your prince. It may not have been standing up to his mother, but it was protecting you against the world."
Blair: Gapes. The audacity, the betrayal, the downright creepiness.
Dan: Thinks it's about his story, of course.Dan: "You gotta understand, I didn't ever think anyone would read it!"
Blair: "No, honey. I'm staring at you because just did something heinous. You would have let me walk away from my fairytale knowing that he was doing this to help us? Help you?"
Dan: Goes abruptly petit mal for a second.
Blair: "Seriously, dude. Why? I want an answer! I want you to look me in the eye and tell me the truth, the obvious truth that I absolutely cannot imagine what it is. Please look me in the eye in front of my royal fiancé and tell me why you would sabotage my happiness with another man on such a fundamental level."
Dan: Still nothing. Very beautiful at this time.
Blair: "Are you reading me? Do you not understand what I am saying? Tell me why you would do that. Right now. To my face. Between our faces. With Louis Grimaldi standing here. Just fuckin'... Seriously, are you stupid? Come on, man. Fix everything at once by telling me this outlandish thing that I couldn't possibly figure out on my own without you saying it aloud. Five. Break my cover story, come on. Four. It's always been you. Or at least since NYU. Three. I'll be damned if I end up getting married. Two... Jesus, you guys. Every time with this shit. C'mon, Louis. We are done with this tool."