Louis: "Maman! Blair absolutely loathes carnations! And I'll tell you some more things that Blair could have told you at any time. Come away with me, into a side parlor."
French Seamstress: "Do they know?"
Blair: "Do they know what? English? Kinda."
Psychic Doula Seamstress: "No, that you're six weeks pregnant."
Blair: Boxes her ear, snatches out one earring.
Bleeding Seamstress: Continues to hem Sophie's legacy gown, choking back tears.
Blair: "Shut your face, you illiterate bitch."
Righteous Seamstress: "Okay, lady. But you're going to be showing by November. Which is when your wedding is. So maybe you should think with your brain."
Blair: "...I am so fucking pregnant!"
Brian Jacob Smith, you are so cool. Welcome to Gossip Girl. It will be our pleasure to watch you watch the wave. I promise not to freak out about however the story makes you go, because I love the story and it's what we're watching.
Boyfriend Brian: "We have been living in California for one month, ever since you decided to tell me that your Fake Uncle left you some Fake Money and we moved here from Miami."
Cousin Charlie: "I bet we are bringing even crazier mysteries with us that don't even have to do with the Rhodes family."
Kitchen Bossy: "Ivy! Get to work and stop talking to your awesome boyfriend!"
Boyfriend Brian: "Better do it, because we are super poor."
Serena: "Charlie! OMG, what are you doing in this random place?"
Cousin Charlie: "Certainly not waitressing under my real name, that's for sure."
Serena: "Then let's go shopping and spend a bunch of money and do girl talking."
Cousin Charlie: "Sounds good to me, Cousin Serena who is my cousin for sure."
Serena: "As long as you are on your meds, I am so happy to see you!"
Cousin Charlie: "As long as I can conveniently forget my purse and you pay for everything, me too!"
Georgina Sparks: Better get involved with this shit immediately.
Next week: While Ivy and Serena stir up whatever fresh hell they've got going on this year, everybody else converges on the UES. Diana Payne shows up on a Nate hunt with like a startup or something, Louis's sister Beatrice shows up to be super pretty and no doubt throw some speedbumps Ol' Crazy's way, and Dan gets some of that Charlie Trout lovin' he's been missing.