Blair runs up and immediately starts babbling at Serena about how a Constance girl got in, and probably it was "that little Nelly" Yuki, who is now marked for death. B finally winds down and stares at Miss Carr, who seems to have missed the part of the conversation where she fucks off. It's a fairly hilarious combination of that "Blair just realized you exist" face crossed with the "Blair needs you to not exist" face, and she finally grits, "Hello?" Miss Carr hands over Blair's paper from first period, and finally takes off.
"If you're on a witch hunt, that means you can't be too upset, right?" Serena is awesome, and Blair knows it: "Witch hunts are my valium, Serena. I'm just trying to stay calm. What about you? I have to say, I'm totally surprised Yale passed up the PR of accepting It Girl Serena van der Woodsen. They have more class than I thought." Serena thinks for a second about not letting this one fly by, but decides she might as well ignore it altogether, reminding B that she said all along Yale didn't really want her for her. Blair laughs about how Serena's waitlisting means that Dan's automatic campus cachet is shot to hell: "Now he'll just be lumped in with the rest of the financial aidiots and poets," she randomly limp-wrists, but before she can start insulting the rest of Serena's family for no real reason, she notices a horrible blemish on the paper Miss Carr gave her and takes off.
Serena stares at the total craziness of Blair disappearing down the hallway until her phone rings, when a person with a truly insane speaking voice calls her, pretending to be Shirley from Dean Berube's office. We met Shirley and that's not her, and the way I know that is that the person pretending to be Shirley can't possibly exist at all. She sounds like Mrs. Doubtfire and Julia Child in one of those two-person horse costumes, going on safari. But much like with Queller, apparently that's Shirley now. Anyway, "Shirley" wonders if Serena can just accept her invite already, so Berube can send out a press release about it, and Serena says she'll have to call her back. Miraculously, she does this without putting on a bizarre mock-Auntie Mame accent of her own, but you know she was thinking it.
Lily hangs out at a conference table with the board member Peter from last week. Peter feels bad about how Lily should have been in charge of it all, but once Charles started doing blow off hookers during brunch, they had no choice but to follow Jack's lead. "Short of being able to prove he's completely negligent, all we can do is our best to temper his actions," Peter says, and Jack enters all demonically and acts spooky enough that Peter leaves with a fond farewell to Lily. Jack is all coked up and jumpy and weird and hitting on Lily, who notes that he's doing a horrible job. "I'll right myself eventually. I just have to get my legs under me," he snorfles, and puts on a total drunk cokehead sex face: "Maybe the two of us could come together in some way, help me find my strength... Or use it all up." This last as though he might have to explain to her that he's talking about fucking. She pulls out a hanky and hands it to him so he can wipe off the huge snot bubble of coke in his nostril, but he's too vibrate-y to do much more than stand there angrily buzzing and standing in front of her when she tries to leave, and then after she's gone, he smiles in that self-satisfied weird smug way people do when they are high and inappropriate but still think they're the one in charge.