"True love and betrayal, revenge and more revenge, a heroine with an impossible goal... If only Mozart had lived on the Upper East Side." Oh, good. I don't like opera, it makes me feel like I'm being scolded, but one thing you can trust about this show is that even if the whole episode has an opera theme, it's not really going to make you listen to the horrible sounds of opera.
Blair's gay dads Harold and Roman have randomly shown up at Chez Eleanor to present themselves as a sort of life-sized gift basket of Yale crap. They even got Dorota a giant white lace "Y" for her usual maid costume. "But you can keep your Magic Flute, Amadeus. All this queen wants is a golden ticket to Yale." Harold's creepy face welcomes B to the concept of breakfast, while Roman points out the obvious Yale colors of all the breakfast food, blueberries and the like, and then randomly they talk about how Blair's been nervous about early admissions day for a bit, but went all-out last night watching Gilmore Girls ("Oh, I am so a better fit for Yale than that Rory!") and there's a whining sound, and B assumes it's D groaning like a bulldog, but in fact it's a real bulldog, whom Harold has named "Handsome Dan" in deference to the Yale mascot. B is not feeling that name, hilariously, and decides to just call him "Handsome."
I want to marry the internet and have little wikibabies! Check it. Handsome Dan I (1889-1897) was the past life of Blair Waldorf: "He would bark ferociously and work himself into physical contortions of rage never before dreamed of by a dog." Handsome Dan II died of a broken leg; Handsome Dan III was retired due to emotional instability; Handsome Dan IV got run over by a car; Handsome Dan V was called Bull until IV got hit by that car, then became V and died of old age; Handsome Dan VI "died mysteriously at age two," either from fear of fireworks or "of shame from seeing Yale lose to both Princeton and Harvard in the same year"; Handsome Dan VII and VIII were also retired due to emotional instability, being a rage-oholic and agoraphobic, respectively; Handsome Dan IX fell off the dock at the Yale Boathouse and drowned in the mud and then was resuscitated, only to die of acute kidney disease; XI retired due to arthritis, "loved football but had a tendency to doze in the sun during games," and "was frequently sighted on Martha's Vineyard during the tourist season"; XII got kidnapped; XIII was retired due to old age twice, and is regarded as the "most noteworthy of the Handsome Dans" because he did lots of weird tricks; Handsome Dan XIV was the descendent of a prizewinner named Hetherbull Arrogant Frigott but had the inbreeding overexcitement issue and died of a heart attack; and before the 1908 Harvard-Yale Game, supposedly the Harvard coach Percy Haughton strangled a bulldog to death in the locker room to motivate his players. Which is harsh, but nothing is as harsh as Wikipedia's eye for the cold hard facts: "Whether this is true or not, Harvard did win 4-0." If you told me all those stories were about previous generations of Archibalds I would believe you.