Gossip Girl
You've Got Yale!

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Tantrum Of The Opera

Harold mentions a personal letter he wrote to Dean Berube -- Who would Harold's person alive or dead be? Kevin Spacey, Michael Rosenbaum, and Gene Hackman walk into a French country house -- and how it will help her chances, and Roman goes, "We will celebrate your acceptance tonight at the opera, with champagne at all intermissions. We will be so drunk, by the time someone dies, we'll just laugh." It is time to reevaluate old Roman, because that is an awesome thing to say. Harold asks if Chuck's joining, since like all grownups he loves Chuck, and because Chuck famously "loves a good tragedy." I feel like every word on this show now is in code; I see signs everywhere. Dorota, worrying about B, seconds Harold's suggestion that they find Chuck, and B is self-consciously disinterested: "He's as dead to me as his father is to him. More blueberries."

At the house of PRADA, Dan has come to walk Serena to school because it's "Yale Day," because we all know of Serena's history of anxiety that she doesn't have, and how supportive and stable Dan always never is, but really because he needs Serena around because she's everybody's valium and all he cares about now is getting into Yale. Dartmouth is like, "Getting our English department poached seemed like a downgrade at the time, but that was before we met Dan Humphrey. God closes a door, he opens a window." Serena is so not interested in listening to Dan worry over it, she literally goes pffft: "Forget you, what if I do and Blair doesn't?" Nice! Weirdly abrupt, but I'm in. Dan offers: "Fire and brimstone and a lot of bitchy asides?" Oh, come now. You're assured of that anyway. "Death by Dorota?" Better. Dan assures her all three of them are getting into Yale, enumerating once again all the reasons we're supposed to believe that, and Serena talks about how one day things are actually going to be fun and cool.

Dan nods at her reference to "the recent not-fun event, uh, also known as the You Two Share A Brother Oh Wait No You Don't rollercoaster," which she links also to the Tiltawhirl called "Discovering This Fact Has Only Served To Bring Rufus And Lily Closer Than Ever." Dan thinks that Yale will somehow change their lives and he will be reinventing himself into somebody who's not... Who knows what he thinks. Nobody has realistic ideas about college in high school, especially not the Dans of the world. Then Lily and Rufus come sneaking down the stairs, and it squicks everybody out for some reason, and they get all nervous and Serena spends the rest of the scene staring at the kitchen island, and Lily goes, awesomely, "Well, now that this is all out in the open, maybe we can stop sneaking around. I mean, we've had the awkward run-in, and it isn't so bad. I don't know why we thought this would be so weird!" Which is exactly what I like to do when things are weird. But not because it makes things better.

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Gossip Girl




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