When WASPs Attack! Grandmother Cece makes a beeline for Dan the second he walks in, and delivers a succession of Waterford vases and Tiffany eggcups chock full of whoop-ass: "Do you like it here, Mr. Humphrey?" He says it's like a museum, cold, but it has good water pressure. "That's not what I meant. But of course you would make a joke, that goes to my point. The way you feel? It never goes away. It just gets worse. You'll always use your dessert fork for your entrée. You'll always feel underdressed, no matter what you wear, and at dinner parties, it will be as if there's a language that sounds like English, and you think you speak it, but they don't...hear you. And you don't understand them. As time passes, you'll feel that people never see you, when they look at you, but wonder merely whether you're Serena's whim, or her charity case, until the day comes when you realize that girls like Serena don't end up with Dan Humphrey. They end up with the Carters of the world, and people like you, they turn into cocktail party anecdotes of their foolish youth. So why don't you give it up and spare yourself the pain, hmm? I'm sure Serena will understand." YES! I LOVE YOU, CELIA RHODES! TAKE HIS BROKE ASS OUT!

Dan smiles gracefully, and doesn't break eye contact; they stare each other down. Gossip Girl is impressed: "This just in; we hear there's a cold war brewing between Lonelyboy and a certain blueblood. We never thought we'd say this ourselves..." Serena approaches and asks what's going on; Cece's eyes open slowly like a startled housecat when Dan tells her Cece just talked him into taking her to the ball. "...But our money's on Brooklyn for the win!" Go Dan! That was awesome! He looks her right in the eye and implies that she has leave to totally suck it. Nice!

The Times reporter is wrapping up his preliminary questions Chez Waldorf, and Blair tells him she's dumped the Prince for Nate: "Given our history, it was only right. He is the perfect gentleman, the perfect date." Chuck enters and meets the reporter at this point, giving Blair props for forgiving Nate after he ruined her birthday and slept with her best friend. Blair puts a halt to this by grinding his foot into dust, and then dismisses the reporter. WTF is the question, but Chuck's got other ones: "I should ask you the same question! 'Perfect gentleman'? 'Perfect date'? That broken record was a hit last year. Get with the times. He bores you!" Blair points out, on the other hand, that Chuck just attempted to wreck her Times interview, which is the entire point: he can't be trusted to keep quiet and constantly deny everything. "Nate is a gentleman. He would never cause a scene." Chuck notes also that he isn't exactly a turn-on, but Blair sends him away; Carter Baizen left his jacket at the tea party, and she doesn't want anybody to see Chuck at her house: "There's been enough scenes for today." Never, ever true!