Chuck comes out with one of the literal whores he boned last night, grunts sexily and shakes a giant bag of coke at them before scurrying away in a flash so they can't ask him to come have waffles with Lily, because he's avoiding her because if Charles sees Lily he will have to confront the possibility of losing yet another (How many at this point? Bart a couple times, Evelyn several times) parent, because Illness is like the one problem he can't fix simply by staring intensely. (...Or can he? Stay tuned.) Nate and Serena paw at the ground, raising dust, and think about how to get Chuck to deal with the Illness currently not ravaging Lily's body in any way, and eventually are so tuckered by all this thinking that they form a little pile on the kitchen floor, and take a thinkin' nap.

Dan and Vanessa are the fucking worst some more, eventually getting themselves into another freshman-year over-cerebralized tizzy over things that they can and can't talk about, for like the fifth time this season, because that's all the writers know what to do with them too, because the idea of their funky furry little bodies making Matt & Kim-style whoopee is too horrifying to contemplate. (Vanessa Abrams going down on Hilary Duff. I'm just saying.) So should they deal with these things in a responsible human way by discussing and working through the underlying emotional issues? No way! Let's make rules and a list of topics that we can't talk about, because after all secrets and deception are the key ingredient of any adult relationship.

All that really happens of interest in this scene are the hilarious bullshit words that come out of their mouths -- "Look, we're two artists in a relationship" -- and a funny line about how she's allowed to tell Dan about Mime class. They realize that their relationship is now entirely limited to "politics, Jersey Shore, and where [they] want to eat," which they seem to think is both awful and totally acceptable, but essentially all they have done is invent the wheel.

"Ooh! Another sext session with your new BF?" Shut the fuck up, Jenny Humphrey. You gross little beast. Eric points out that Elliot is not his boyfriend, because Eric's spending all his time with Lily's Illness and Elliot is in "every club in school," so they haven't even been on a first date yet. Lily's sad that Charles isn't at breakfast, but quickly recovers and says that this is right in line with Will's The Secret style of treatment, where you talk about the Illness in stage whispers but otherwise ignore it completely, like if a big spider or a weasel came into your house, a wasp or something, you might just leave the door open and hope the Illness wanders away while you weren't looking. This is not medical, but I think one thing we know for certain is that basic medical knowledge is at a premium on this show. (Jenny bings "cancer" at the end of the episode, for Chrissake.)