Now it's nighttime! Serena's sitting alone in the empty chairs -- it was an outdoor wedding, I didn't make that clear before -- and Dan finally tracks her down so that he can do whatever the sleazy fuck thinks he's going to accomplish, and she of course immediately tries to disappear, so he physically shoves her down onto a chair and orders her not to run away from him. So she's like, fine: "So you hooked up with Georgina, I kinda figured that when I saw her coming out of your bedroom this morning, but... I'm willing to let it go. I don't wanna break up with you." Dan's like, "But so instead, I'm going to break up with you." She is so shocked by this massively irritating and offensive turn of events that she can't even speak. "Maybe I can't just let it go. You lied to me over and over. And it was easy for you..." Serena nearly angrily points out that it wasn't, not that he has any way of knowing that, and get this, this is what he says: "I got seduced by a girl pretending to be someone else, and you knew..." SEDUCED! He was SEDUCED! By an evil VIXEN! As has befallen men since Eve first fucked it up for everybody!
Serena points out that she was being blackmailed at the time, so the whole "women are evil succubi that sap a man's will" concept is not really at issue here, and he's like, I do understand that part, but it neutralizes my moral superiority not one whit. Serena vainly airs her naïve hope that he would understand anything, ever, and then Dan Humphrey says the most hilarious thing anybody has ever said on this show. "I am the most understanding person in the world," says Dan. Humphrey. The least understanding, most judgmental, self-righteous, priggish person ever seen on television, just said with a straight and tender face, this statement. Unbelievable.
"But this? And this is not about who you used to be, your past, or who you were when we met. I mean, the only reason I was with Georgina was because yesterday morning you slept with two random guys you met in a bar..." And I mean, I wasn't giving him any credit anyway because he's full of shit, but "I only let somebody else into our messy relationship to even the score because I was angry with you" ... that's like being seduced TWICE! Once by an evil vixen and then AGAIN by Serena's horrible MISDEEDS! She's like, "Oh shit, I totally forgot to tell you that part was a lie." He asks, a valid question I admit, how that is less crazy. She pats his leg excitedly and tries to explain that it's because she thought he'd forgive her for that over murder. Which, I thought the whole thing was her trying to drive him away and kind of panicking, so I'm glad she had a whole plan in mind. Although still: how is that less crazy?