CONSTANCE, FINALLY

Rufus: "I better throw these useless photos from my hipster job in the empty wastebasket that... Hey, what's with all these crazy pills?"

Dan: "Hey, is that my dad urgently calling you?"
Charlie: "Nope, whatever."
Gossip Girl, verbatim: "They say love is the best medicine... That is, unless you don't take it!"

Seriously, though. What in the fuck is Gossip Girl talking about.

EMPIRE

Jack: "Okay, the reason I was acting totally out of character in this episode is that I never really believed my shitty brother killed a lady, but also because when other people abuse you it doesn't get me off. So I knew they had to be stopped."
Chuck: "Frankly, that tainted it a little for me too. Being pushed into suicide just isn't the same when it's somebody else doing it."
Jack: "We are so weird."

Jack: "I wish you still had Blair so I could get gross on her too."
Chuck: "I fervently wish for that as well."
They: Get misty sad thoughts. And scary secret boners that explain so, so much.

Chuck: "You'd think my childhood history of sexual abuse would be the main thing I talked about in therapy, or how I'm raping people all the time, but no. It's actually how many people we've both had sex with, sometimes at the same time, and also about how you screwed my one mom and tried to rape the other one, and both times it was really about me. The whole thing with us is really awful if you think about it."

Chuck, verbatim: "On that note, I'm going to cut this reunion short and try to find her before the nice guy actually wins."
Jack, ditto: "I'm counting on you not to defile the Bass name and lose her to a family of titled circus performers."

EN ROUTE TO CONSTANCE

Raina: "Dad, don't even try. We have already had this conversation eleven times, where I tell you not to bother me anymore and you sucker me into an endless awful conversation about my stupid dead mom. No longer. I know that you blew her up."
Russell: "No! I didn't!"
Raina, verbatim: "You're as dead to me as my mother is!"
Russell's marbles: Go flying just everywhere.