Chuck: "Ah, Prince Louis. I have just enough time to be a dick to you."
Louis: "I really wish you wouldn't. Hey, how come Blair is constantly visiting you? And why does your hand look like you put it through a window or her face?"
Chuck: "Because we are in love and she is lying to you."
Louis: "There are levels on which this story makes very little sense."
Rufus: "Why are you here and not at Blair's engagement party?"
Serena: "Why are you talking to me like we're friends?"
Rufus: "Look, I know Blair is a heathen monster. But she is your only friend."
Serena: "Your fatherly wisdom has been, like, so lacking. You're right."
Rufus: "She might have trouble saying it, two out of three episodes, but she loves you as much as she loves anybody."
Serena: "Also, she is my only friend."
Serena: "Oh, hey Charlie. I was just coming into your room that used to be my room so I could go through your closets full of my clothes."
Charlie: "How should I wear my hair and do your feet hurt after wearing heels all night and does Dan dance and do you prefer lipstick or lip gloss? I'm totally manic right now!"
Serena: "I've never revved up past like mild interest, so I don't recognize the signs of that either. What I can tell you is that lipstick lasts longer, but gloss is more fun."
Charlie: "What the fuck does that even mean?"
Serena: "Dan loves to dance, but he's terrible at it, so no laughing, and your feet won't hurt as long as you have just the right amount of champagne, which will help you be yourself."
Charlie: "Drinking away your pain helps you be yourself?"
Serena: "As far as I know. It's kinda my whole thing."
Charlie: "What's this picture of you kissing Dan on your nightstand?"
Serena: "That's from Cotillion. It's the one date we ever had where nobody died or got fake cancer or committed suicide or got raped by Chuck. It was magical."
Charlie: "Cool. I'm going to wear this same dress and do my hair just like this and become totally insane now and put lipstick all around my mouth."
Serena: "The look is only complete if you wear a shit-ton of black mascara and then cry it down your face while talking about murder."