She nods sadly and turns to leave before he can bust into "Rest In Peace," but the click-clack of heels on concrete once again announces the arrival of Harvey-face. Rufus kisses her, just barely keeping himself from looking at Lily while he does so I'm sure, and Lily feels like a total retard. "This used to be your favorite," she says, putting a bottle of wine in his hands and leaving. I assume he ... thinks about it for not even one second, cracks the bottle and drinks it with Claire. Ah, well. It's what she needed to hear. And I know that the universe has it out for Rufus Humphrey, and I know that Lily, as the most beloved character on the show, is going to come out on top. Plus, I will ... never shut up about Serena, and talking about Lily impedes my going on and on about Serena. But I wouldn't be too upset about this turn of events. It's only her first day back, after all.

Vanessa is leaving her one-thousandth pathetic message on Nate's voicemail when Blair comes literally screaming around the corner, pointing directly at her face. "What did I tell you? I told you to do nothing. What, was that too difficult?" Vanessa tries to get attitude about how Blair wasn't doing anything about it -- again: have you met Blair? -- and says she spotted B having romantic lunch with the Lord. B's WTF face is a thing of beauty that quickly morphs into switchblade rage as V continues to not shut up. "You know what I think? I think you were so scared of anyone finding out who your boyfriend was screwing that you were willing to screw Nate. Catherine's husband promised that the Captain would be safe. It's over." Um, yeah it is. "I'd gotten Catherine to agree to pay off the Archibald debts and leave town in exchange for my silence. Nate was about to have his old life back, until you went to the Duke. He put them on a plane to London an hour ago. So you're right, it is over for Nate. Thanks to you." Vanessa feels absolutely terrible. All is right with the world.

The Plastics stir up their vile cocktail and Penelope woodenly tosses it at the back of Amanda's head, which immediately begins dropping hair like your teeth in that one dream. She totally screams and spazzes out and stumbles around crazily, making little awesome whining terror noises and almost passing out. It's tremendous! She runs off and won't let Dan talk to her or her bald head, and of course Serena has sobered up with a quickness and run to Amanda's aid. "Dan. I'm so sorry. Is she okay?" Dan tells her to go fuck herself, and once again Serena's like, "YOU WERE STANDING RIGHT HERE. YOU KNOW I DIDN'T DO THIS. TIME AND SPACE." He just shakes his head like he can't even believe how clueless Serena is about her own suckiness. "That's the Serena van der Woodsen mantra, isn't it? No fault, no responsibility. Things just happen."