The Captain and Eleanor drone on and on with the Captain's wife sitting there, bored as hell, talking about the whole IPO and everything. Nate's mom finally changes the subject -- and Eleanor's hilariously grateful -- to their children's arranged marriage, impressing Mother Waldorf with mention of her own great-grandmother's engagement ring, a gift from Cornelius Vanderbilt. Across the room, Lily's spying on Bart Bass, but explaining to Rufus that it's not "spying" so much as "keeping track of his whereabouts." Rufus turns this into the most awkward-awesome excuse to kiss a person I've ever seen: "If you really want to make a man jealous, there's only one thing to do." She starts to make fun of him for pretending to know romance, and then he...totally kisses her. Nice! The music goes away for a second, and Bart gets sad over there with yucky Caridee, and Eleanor is like, "Oh girl!" and just about raises the roof in appreciation, and Lily chuckles weirdly, and then they both start drinking as much as they can.

Edward Abbott tells some story that's too boring to talk about, but he does namedrop never summering in Newport again, which is funny. Dan tries to get in there, and Serena's very pissy that she doesn't need rescuing from her horrible talkative toolish date, and they get all angsty with each other. Meanwhile, Kati and Isabel finally show up and beat Nate about the head and shoulders with how Serena has the final clue, so thanks for ruining the whole game, and go fuck your girlfriend already. It's so sad how she planned this baroque, weird, triumphant thing, with rhyming clues and masks and secret handmaidens and everything, and he spent the whole time staring through a pot fog at Serena van der Woodsen, but that's Blair's whole life. Her fault for hoping. Meanwhile, Vanessa is still alive out there somewhere. Is that justice? The only thing Nate seems to process from the Kati/Isabel onslaught is the name "Serena," and stumbles off, so...here we go.