I don't know if they're going to do this every week, but this episode's super-long, neato previouslies are set up and narrated by Gossip Girl herself, like a multimedia entry off GG.net, which is just brilliant. Of course, if you actually need the recap, you won't know why that's cool, but still: neat. I kind of lost track for awhile and started thinking about how you should probably luxuriate in the previouslies when you're just starting out, especially if you can't even hold onto the Top Model audience -- people who were, like, grown in labs to adore this show -- and especially when you're up against Addison Montgomery, possibly the most appealing person in the television universe, and then I came back to reality and I was like OMG but seriously, because is this the same ten-minute recap of the pilot that they had online? Because I'm tired now, and the show hasn't even started. "So," Gossip Girl bottom-lines, "Now that S is back, will the Upper East Side ever be the same? We're all just dying to see what she does next!" Then there's...that weird, creepy, echoey Lost-ish whispery "I'll never tell" promo sequence, and still no credits. Unless those were the credits, in which case I am sad, because 80 percent of any given show, for me, is the credits.

Some sweet kind of song that reminds me of dancing penguins plays over a long montage of cooks and chefs and whatnot preparing a brunch feast. I had no idea that you ate food at brunch; I was always given to understand that brunch was some kind of French term for "we're drinking in the morning." This is fascinating. I do enjoy a nice egg dish with my alcoholism. Gossip Girl presumes that we care why she's up so very early on a Sunday, but in fact you'd be wrong to wonder: she's a girl who gets up early every single day. After all, she asks, why waste precious time "dreaming" when you could be getting your shit together for, par exemple, drinking in the morning? I guess so. Apparently, breakfast on a Sunday is that strange ritual called "brunch: champagne, a dress code, and a hundred of our closest friends and enemies." Gossip Girl is just a tad nouveau riche sometimes, telling us what rich people are up to all the time like this. "Well, as a rich person, I can tell you that rich people -- such as myself -- do this thing at this time." Like how if ever you say the word "classy," Serena and Blair, little hobgoblins come in the night and make you trashy. Anyway, she's up this particularly brunchy morning because Chuck's dad Bart Bass is hosting an annual brunch for his "foundation." And everybody's invited, but when we say everybody, we mean rich people. Such as Gossip Girl.