And imagine please that if you really looked at it, or watched the movie -- where it's made perfectly clear, and played by brilliant and skeptical homosexuals to boot -- you realized that no matter how sexy and yearny it is, these two bitches are totally disgusting and creepy-obsessed and willing to do fucking horrible things to themselves, each other, and everyone around them, just so they can stay at this nowhere point where they're not fucking, or even admitting they want to, but also all they're doing is fucking. But not physically, like, they're fucking each other's bloody brains. Maybe a very nice, very hot guy named Nate or Jacob gets in the middle of it, but doesn't really care or matter at all, because he is a werewolf or like a prostitute or whatever kind of minority.

And so but the girl wants to be annihilated, which is gross, and the boy wants to annihilate her, which is slightly less awful but still awful, but they love each other so much they can't back off, and simultaneously love each other so much they can't give in, so they just spin out in these separate desperate angry orbits of sexual inversion, getting crazier and crazier to the point where they fuck each other's uncles on NYE or, I don't know, have a spine-eating devil baby that sparkles and can read minds and is named the stupidest thing you can think of, and still 99.9% of the fanfic is about people tying up and buttfucking Jasper, for some reason.

Anyway, about that ugly, but Jenny can explain Blair and Chuck better than I can, for all my two years' experience: "Bella's so in love with him, even though he's a vampire. Maybe it's because he's a vampire, I don't know. But the thing is, his family doesn't suck the blood, so it makes her feel safer, but the problem is... Is that Edward, the more he falls in love with her the more he wants..." Lily's desperate to shut her up, as the phone's ringing, but they play it so naturally and lovingly that it's like a mother and a daughter. Even though Jenny's just fucking with her to stall for Rufus's stupid proposal plan, it still seems really genuine. And that's just beautiful, because it's Kelly Rutherford reminding you of all the good things about Lily, just when you need to remember them most. You can see her doing this exact same patient honey I love you please shut up please shut up thing with any of her kids: Serena talking about some prince or pop star taking her as his muse, or Eric same thing, or Chuck all excited about a million-year-old scotch, or Dan talking about whatever the fuck, Godard, or Rufus talking about anything whatsoever.