Serena smiles, ashamed, and explains that she was embarrassed by the reception from Carmen Sandiego, because Blair has like eleven dads now and they're all completely taken with her, and Rufus won't fucking shut up about Dan and Jenny, and though the Captain is a piece of shit in every single way not even he would turn Nate away from his cell door. "I'm even jealous of Nate's dad," she snorts disgustedly. Blair assures her that Keith's losing out if he doesn't know her, but of course S already knows that: "But I just can't seem to let it go." Blair, who knows a thing or two about compulsive behaviors, is sympathetic. "I keep leaving him messages, and writing letters to addresses I'm not even sure are his..." Blair shakes her head and gives Serena permission to miss her dad, and Serena explains that this is the last thing she wants, which is why it's all so gross.
"All I even remember of him is him going on trips and then coming back and bringing me presents and then one day he ... Didn't come back." Blair is so sad for Serena! Her voice finally starts to crack as she admits how embarrassed she is. "And now it's like I can't seem to get anything right anymore..." Blair nods, because she's been watching; nods, because she gets that. "Between Carter, and the paparazzi, and Brown, and..." She puts her hands in her hair and laughs at herself. "Ugh, and now Tripp?" Blair's back goes completely straight, ready to turn on Serena again, and she asks.
"I guess I've kind of had a crush on him," Serena starts to explain, still so busy with her hair that she doesn't notice Blair's affronted jerk, "But it was nothing! I mean, he's married. And he's always treated me like a kid, but now we work together, and then tonight..." Blair leans forward, ready to pull the trigger, and Serena admits it was the fake text that saved her. "But now I don't know if I can trust myself around him." Blair knows, and swings it around to where they don't even have to talk about it after this: "Carter was one thing, but Tripp is a married congressman," she explains, and Serena just keeps shaking her head and swearing she's listening, she knows that, Blair is right, she already agrees with Blair, she'll be good. She'll be good. She'll be good this time, this time she'll be good.