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Grasshopper

In a dimly-lit gym in a bad part of town (probably), Nancy's in a boxing ring, sparring with U-Turn. How the fuck...Nancy, seriously, what is the sequence of events that leads you into these situations? "Boxing gloves...uh, sure, U-Turn. Why don't you lace 'em up while I stammer ineffectually about you getting that smack out of my house?" Siiiigh. U-Turn, you will not be shocked to find out, has no intention of removing the heroin. He does, however, seem awfully serious when he tells Nancy that he's grooming her to be his lieutenant (he calls her "Grasshopper"), whether she wants to be or not. Marvin looks particularly alarmed at this revelation. U-Turn tells Nancy he's going to give her an address where she needs to meet him at 7:30 for a surprise. Hey, how can that end badly, Nance? You should totally go! The scene ends without U-Turn actually punching Nancy in the face, despite the fact that it'd be the least violent U-Turn's been towards Nancy in five weeks.

OLSEN TWIN ALERT! Mary-Kate finally shows up, after all the promotional hoo-hah, reading Bingo numbers at an old folks' home. Silas is there, too -- selling weed to some foul-mouthed old coot. While Mary-Kate makes with the standard drag-queen-worthy Bingo jokes ("your tumor is B9!"), Silas catches her giving him A Look.

Botwins'. Andy asks a mopey Shane to try some of the hors d'oeuvres he's cooked up for the party. "Is this dinner?" Shane pouts, like he's suddenly Winona Ryder in Mermaids (don't make out with Jake Ryan in the bell tower, Shane! Christina Ricci could drown!). He takes a bite and says, "This sucks." Andy: "How can it suck? It's wrapped in bacon." Shane says it's his situation that sucks. He hasn't been able to talk to Nancy in forever -- she's off doing drug dealerly things -- and he needs to convince her that sitting home all summer would be more beneficial than sitting in a classroom full of nutso Christian freaks who are "two clicks away from jihad." Perhaps a little something called knowing your enemy, Shane-o? Anyway, I think the point is that Shane is once again feeling neglected and cast aside due to his mom's hectic schedule being U-Turn's lily-white lapdog. Shane sulks off, leaving Andy alone to watch Discovery Channel footage of lions mating. After a quick, shifty-eyed look around the empty room, he unzips his pants. Jesus, Andy. I know it's probably been a while but...Jesus.

Conrad and Heylia's Once-An-Episode Grow House. Someone's ringing the bell, and while Heylia and Conrad argue over whose responsibility it was to get a security camera out front, Vaneeta answers the door and brings Nancy back. Oh, thank God. This storyline needed some juicing, but good. I'm not even that mad when U-Turn bursts through the door behind her and I realize this was his 7:30 surprise. He tells Conrad that he wants his crop, but Conrad says it's not ready yet. U-Turn tries to intimidate, and when it doesn't seem like it's working (which...it's Heylia, Conrad, and Vaneeta -- good fucking luck), he pulls Nancy aside and says as his second, she needs to start knocking some plants over and throwing her weight around. Such as it is. Nancy, of course, sucks ass as an intimidator, party because she so doesn't feel like intimidating Conrad and Heylia, and partly because she's apparently forgotten how she used to be an actual badass once in a while. U-Turn's dissatisfied with her wrecking skills, but after Heylia gets up in his face, calling him "Lewis," and telling him he'll get their crops and then they're done, he smashes a light fixture down and says he's the one who says who's done. And seriously, once again, I appreciate the humanizing and comedic touches with U-Turn, but since he always has to return to this hardcore thug baseline, it gets more than a little repetitive. I'm not sure what kind of payoff is going to be required after we spend a dozen or so episodes watching U-Turn terrorize all the characters we've come to love on this show. Maybe Nancy can hand him over to Dexter? Anyway, U-Turn drags Nancy away, and after she mouths an apology to her erstwhile friends, he tells her, "Thug means never having to say you're sorry!" He learned that from Ali Motherfucking McGraw, bitch!

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