Great American Road Trip
Great American Road Trip

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C- | 1069 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Excitement Vortex

They just refuse to cancel this show. Admit defeat, NBC! The four remaining families set off for "the mysterious and mystical Sedona, Arizona." I really don't think Sedona is mysterious or mystical, but the description impresses Tyiler. Reno drives his fake RV and tells us that the families aren't going to Sedona, but to someplace outside it at the Slide Rock State Park. Silvio is very excited about Slide Rock State Park as it'll give him a chance to catch some rays and relax. The Cootes are back on the road after spending a few days in at that resort prize they won. I think I realize why the Cootes get limited screen time even though they win everything: they are unpleasant. All they do is brag about winning King of the Road challenges. Ron Pollard is disappointed that they aren't going to the Grand Canyon today but is determined to win, just like everyone else. Darius thinks his family works well together and credits that to their faith in God. Meanwhile, they've been in the bottom three two out of four times thus far and the only thing they've won is a $200 gift store shopping spree, so, thanks a lot, Jesus.

The DiSalvatores admire the red rocks of the Sedona area that apparently house vortexes, according to the trip booklet. Silvio interviews that he doesn't believe a word about these vortexes. That's it.

The families arrive at Slide Rock State Park. There's a small river to swim in there, and I see that there's a bunch of people who aren't on the show trying to enjoy themselves there. Little do they know that they're about to be on the lamest show on TV alongside Silvio. Speaking of Silvio, as Amie interviews from the dilapidated house backdrop that's supposed to show us how beautiful and pristine this location is, he slips on a rock and falls on his ass in the water. "Silvio got his hair wet?" someone asks with concern. Ha! Silvio says as soon as he touched the water he was "looking perpendicularly to the sky." Silvio likes to use ten dollar words when ten cent ones would do. And he pulled those ten dollar words out of his ass and not a dictionary. Ew, there's a shot of shirtless Silvio. Meanwhile, the Cootes will not be enjoying the water because they don't want to slip on a rock and get hurt. They're really missing out, because that looks like a lot of fun. You sit in the water and slide down a natural waterslide.

Okay, that's done! The DiSalvatores drive to get some gas, and Silvio says this is the first time he's pumped gas in his life. He has to figure out where the gas cap is and then how to work the pump machine. I sympathize with him, I guess. One of the first times in my life that I had to pump my own gas I couldn't figure out how to do it and I panicked and called my mom and made her drive up to the gas station and help me. But I was 16. Amy interviews that they need to make it as far as possible on this trip so that Silvio will learn how to do things around the house. To reward Silvio for pumping gas, Amy presents him with a "King of the Road" tiara that she bought in the gas station. "Baby, baby! Look at me!" Silvio says, putting it on immediately. How did Silvio and family become the only bright spot on this show? Everyone else is boring and/or invisible.

Great American Road Trip

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